TW

[Historylover]

@Kyle1, the trouble is I love to chat and I know my every word is being passed along the line. I'm trying to be aloof, but not to the extent that I get  a DX of 'withdrawn'. I'm livid about the power they've taken away from me. Livid. And their lulling me into trusting them. The tone is subtly changing. And my BP shows it 

I'll just do my best to be agreeable but my angry face tells a different story. A work in progress. I bought some books fortunately.

[Kyle1]

anger is OK. Just needs a suitable outlet... do they have you do activities in there? Are you able to go pound on a pizza dough or something?? @Historylover 

I'm reading rainer rilke and Allan watts at the moment. What books did you buy?

[Historylover]

My anger just bubbles away @Kyle1. I can hear another lady making a complaint about having no clothes. I'm livid. As if they want to help me. I don't have psychological problems.Mine are familial, financial etc. that my ex-psy so skillfully arranged. I just need help to disentangle this mess. All they want to do is 'diagnose' and treat with drugs. Obliterate my personality to be obedient and submissive.

[Kyle1]

I've felt misunderstood in this way before, too @Historylover 

Where it's the situation around me that's screwy - not my mind. 

In the end I accepted 'medication' as an extra tool in my arsenal to better address the situation around me. Once I do, it's bye bye pharmacopia.!

Some days are so darn defeating, but im not giving up on me. Would you join me in this? Lets not give up on ourselves.

[Historylover]

Just found your post, @scruffypuffball . It isn't in my inbox. Thankyou for your reply. I will write later. Lunch is waiting impatiently, and my posts delete about 4 times before I finally get one to post. Talk further soon.,😊

[Historylover]

You asked which books I like to read. Actually, I'm not a reader as few grab my attention for long. Mostly I dabble in study books. I'm glad you like to read. It broadens the mind, but I opt for learning by observation, experience and discussion. I don't get distracted there. I brought my books on paranormal to re-read. I'll just see how each day develops now. It's difficult here talking to drs who are blind to telepathy and call it psychosis. Like the earth is flat and they are averse to learning new things which are proven and scientific. I abhor ignorance at that level. It causes immeasurable, unnecessary suffering.

[Historylover]

Your post isn't showing in my inbox or my inbox list @scruffypuffball . Everytime I try to post to anyone, it deletes at least 3 or 4 times. So frustrating!! 

There's such a hole in our lives when we lose our parents, isn't there? It doesn't seem real.

I'm pleased that you, too, have found such comfort from the forum. For me, I find the greatest comfort from people who just give a damn and aren't paid to go through the motions, like drs of any type.

[Historylover]

I'll gladly join you on this venture, @Kyle1 but my life has to change. I have had a gut full of people getting paid lucratively from my pension, yet doing nothing for me. If a weekly visit and call is no more than empty words, then nothing will have changed for me, but they'll still get paid...and they won't give a damn about the betrayal of my trust and the harm to my life. Don't we count too?

Look after your good self.

[chibam]

@Historylover, I'm sorry to hear that your now starting to see your situation as captivity. I have no such experiance with psych wards - I've only ever had pre-booked daytime sessions with therapists, so I can't offer much personal insight.

Your in Victoria, right? I googled these people: https://www.imha.vic.gov.au, who apparently advocate for Victorian mental health patients and try to insure their wishes about their own treatment are respected. Apparently, you can call them on 1300 947 820, between 9.30am and 4.30pm, 7 days a week. If things start getting a bit too oppressive for your liking, maybe they might be able to help?

Also, whenever anybody tries to make you do something you don't want to do, ask them about your legal rights in that situation. It's my understanding that the therapists/nurses/orderlies, ect. are obligated to be completely open and honest in the face of such questions.

In regards to your concerns about your "love to chat", and thereby letting slip information that you don't want to let slip - that reminds me of my time with my own therapist. I realized all too late that it was hazardous to give her deep insight into my mind, so when she asked about my life, I fed her only trivial stuff; but stuff that could reasonably pass for being relevant to a therapist. For example, I talked to an excessive degree about the then-recent death of my grandmother. Her death was sad, of course, but it was far from the most pressing issue that was tormenting me. It seemed to be a pretty effective way of eating up sessions and getting the therapist off my back.

That's not to say that I never slipped up and gave the therapist more then I should've. Even talking about my grandmother once led into a fierce argument where I unwisely bared my personal values. But the strategy minimized harm, even if it wasn't foolproof.

I don't know what more help I can offer.

Be well, @Historylover .🙂

[Historylover]

@chibam, 🤭🥰, thank you for your thoughtful and sincere concern. I need it at the moment. I am so frightened as I can see where this is heading. [edited by moderator] I contacted the people you advised soon after arrival and they will ph. early this week. If I was livid this morning, I am enraged now. If I don't take unnecessary medication, I will be held down and injected. 

An addictive tablet will solve my family problems? 

They won't let me out without breaking me. An MRI has been ordered which I have now declined. Looking in my brain for what? Where family problems congregate in my brain? What f....g idiots!!! And you know I don't swear. If I express my rage, I will be drugged and worse. And if I hold it back much more, I will explode. Poke the placid bear until it turns on it's antagonists, then blame the bear.

My 'dx' is psychosis. What an f'ing joke. How do I get out of here when I am their target?