@CherryBomb Awwwwww it's ok. I wasn't annoyed or anything, I just thought maybe you already knew my muddle with the friend thing and you were playfully teasing. Did you know that @CheerBear and I are not-friends? This works super well for me. Not-friends are MUCH safer than friends. 
Hey...on a similar topic, did you know that during the tornado of the other week, you hugged me in your email? It was kind-of funny. I was SO distressed and your hug came out of nowhere and totally threw me because it was kind-of nice given how distressed I was, but it was also super unexpected. I had a bit of a Sheldon Cooper moment when I read it. I kind of stared at it and may possibly have said aloud "you are not on my list" (as in my list of safe touching people). I can see how it would have looked like a scene straight out of Big Bang Theory if we had actually had the exchange in person...and I WOULD say something like that in person. 
See you at FF.
You know @Phoenix_Rising, pretty much after I sent you that email I read one of your posts about how much you hate hugging. I was like:
But I took note to not do it again. Haha.
I didn't know that you and @CheerBear were not friends, but I do now!
So I'm happy to be Not-Friends with you.
@CherryBomb Big giggle.
It's not actually that I hate hugs...it's just that I'm very selective in who I let hug me. I super love getting hugged by safe people (my inside tells me when someone is a safe person). @Former-Member is on my list. I don't really understand it. It doesn't seem to have much to do with how much I like someone, my inside just tells me. I THINK maybe I feel super smothered when someone hugs me without asking. I think Lunar made it onto my list because she is a sea turtle and when I'm struggling, she will swim close by...but not too close. And thus it feels safe to ask her for a teeny tiny turtle hug sometimes.
Goodnight @Shaz51, @CherryBomb and anyone else hanging out on the shore. I still don't know how to bounce back from my latest dumping by a psychologist. This is taking a very long time...and there is no sign of it abating anytime soon. The whole saga is such a horrible replication of oh-so-many previous experiences. How can I still be repeating the pattern of twenty years ago? How can I have so much more insight, so much more self-awareness, and so many more tools in my toolkit, and yet still get smashed when all I was trying to do was get help to fix my muddled brain? How can I get dumped by a psychologist for exhibiting the very behaviour I was there to get help with? How am I ever supposed to heal the muddle if people dump me because I have the muddle????
Thank you for not thinking I'm bad. Thank you for believing that I truly am always trying to do my best to manage my big feelings - even if my best is sometimes so hopelessly inadequate, I get dumped by a psychologist! Thank you for not seeing me as demanding, manipulative, and utterly selfish, difficult, annoying, exhausting to be with, and scary. Thank you for believing in me.
I'm going to snuggle in my shell now and feel super safe knowing that @CherryBomb is keeping watch over the ocean and there are also lots of other people along the shore. @CherryBomb, knowing you are watching over the ocean makes me feel super snuggly and safe. That works much better for me than a hug. I don't need you to hug me - I just need to feel safe that I'm not alone in my muddle.
Night.
I'm going to snuggle into my shell. I super love being able to go to sleep inside my shell, bobbing on the ocean, and knowing that @CherryBomb or some other @Former-Member will be watching over the ocean while I sleep. Night all.
Thank you for being on the shore @Zoe7 and @Faith-and-Hope. I feel super alone and scared. Did @Former-Member get kidnapped by aliens or something last night? He/she wasn't watching the ocean and now I feel more alone and afraid. There's NOBODY. (A) spent most of Monday's session telling me how much she COULDN'T do for me and how much she ISN'T there for me and I am totally flooded with utter hopelessness and aloneness. There's NOBODY. I don't know how to ever feel safe when I truly am so utterly alone in this world. I don't matter. Anybody can do anything to me. I am powerless against the systems I am trapped in. I feel super super super super super super afraid.
Ever since the drama with the other psychologist a couple of weeks ago, I haven't been able to sleep - and normally sleep isn't an issue for me. I wake up in the very early hours of the morning soaked in sweat and feeling so super alone and afraid. I don't know how to feel empowered ever again. I don't know how to ever get up again. I have no-one in my corner. No-one will ever stand up and say "that's not ok."
I don't know how to keep on keeping on when I am so alone and so afraid. I love feeling the empowered feeling, and I simply don't know how to ever feel it again. I don't know how to ever feel safe. How can I ever feel safe???? @Former-Member @Former-Member
Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.