Riding a wave

[Zoe7]

Maybe if you just write SANE they may get it too @Phoenix_Rising 

[Zoe7]

That was meant to be a joke @Phoenix_Rising but probably was not the best time for it - sorry little turtle 

I think people expect others to have a next of kin (and/or friends) because that is their world and they cannot possibly see 'your world' as they have never been in it. That is why it is so much more important that you are actually heard (not just listened to) but every word you say is heard. We hear you little turtle - I so wish those irl did too 

[Phoenix_Rising]

It's fine @Zoe7.  I told @CheerBear the other day that if they insist on me providing a next of kin or some sort of emergency contact, I'm planning to write CheerBear c/o Forum Land. 

[Zoe7]

You can add me too if you like @Phoenix_Rising 

A sea turtle, a care bear and a butterfly - what a random mix we are 

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Zoe7 I also have to list the health professionals that I consent to TTT sharing information with. Do you think I should list Dr. Havetodo? 

[Zoe7]

Mr. Havetodo is a definite @Phoenix_Rising 

...then Lunar, Pebbles, Rockpool etc. etc.

What do you think they would say then little turtle???????????

[CheerBear]

Good evening @Phoenix_Rising.

How many hours now? Surely it has hit an amount that even I can count down 😉

I got a giggle at the BBT clip (which was pretty clever of you to do considering the headspace I was in at the time). Do you know what my answer to the question about an animal (that apparently I can not say here which is the first time that's happened on the app at least) was in my head? Marshmallows. Yep - definite banana head. Thanks for answering how that love question came about. Your answer makes a lot of sense (unlike marshmallows).

I've had pretty trying afternoon that involved a whole lot of resisting urges to do something I know wouldn't be very wise (face the storm again so we don't have to hide anymore). It came about by having to work out how to keep the little fish in a bubble of safety for public celebration events (of which this time of the year there are a few) and a gig Big badly wants to do, deserves to be able to do and has worked hard for, that, if it happens, will create big issues with the bubble. I had a moment where I snapped and said I couldn't do it anymore and it was time to take away the bubble. I'm really glad a teacher ignored my feeling brain and used their thinking brain while mine was turned off. Teachers don't get paid enough.

It caused me to spend the afternoon pondering a whole lot of questions like "is this ever going to get better, and if so when?" and "how can we really be ok and make a good life living like this?". I wish I had the answers to all the questions. I think life would be a whole lot easier with answers.

I wanted to share that with you tonight because, while I don't have the answers, I know what it is like for me to live with questions and if it is a similar thing for you, it feels close to impossible to do sometimes.

I hope so much that your meeting with TTT tomorrow feels good and right, or at least as good and as right as it can. I will be thinking of you lots and waiting to hear how it goes if/when you share.

Random side note - I have something arriving tomorrow that I am so incredibly looking forward to. It's a beautiful soft squishy very huggable unicorn. She needs a name though. If any ideas come to mind please share because I don't know what to name her.

I think I'm going to have an early night here and melt in a blanket in bed. It's been really hot here today (part of why a unicorn is arriving - because a fluffy blanket is awesome until it is a bazillion degrees).

If I don't catch you again tonight, night Phoenix_Rising. I'll be with you but not tomorrow if you'd like.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @CheerBear,

I am SUPER glad the teacher was using her thinking brain while you were in emotion brain. I imagine your thoughts of going back to the storm are a little bit like the thoughts I have about going back to Fred sometimes. I truly feel for you and the LF having to be in hiding. I can see how you would feel so utterly torn by letting them do the things they work hard for and deserve to do, and wanting to keep them super safe in the bubble. I know how much it meant to me to be able to play my violin at the Sydney Opera House and I am guessing that Big wants to show off something super cool like that, that they have worked super hard for. The whole situation totally sucks!!!!!!

I have had a tricky day but I'm travelling ok. I am super looking forward to meeting TTT. Having heard how cool her office is, it seems more exciting than scary. As I mentioned earlier on this thread, I have written her a letter detailing the issue of my turtle whisperer and also some other stuff. I know there is a good chance I will spend the session not talking and instead rocking and playing with the fun things in her office, so giving her some written information seems like a wise idea. I am seeing her at 12pm so not long to go at all now. I know you can count this number of hours on your fingers and toes (assuming you haven't lost too many fingers and toes during your whipper-snipper adventures). 

While I'm here on the ocean, I have to also say a super big thank you to @Former-Member for last night's book choice. Did you listen to it @CheerBear? It's called Some dogs do. It is a bit sad in the middle (I got big no-one-believes-me feelings) but then it is SUPER cool at the end (and then I got super nice validated feelings). I have added it to my playlist.  

[CheerBear]

I really wish I could tell you what Big' s Gig is/may be @Phoenix_Rising. It involves potentially being given something that is a huge proud one for them (and for me), especially considering what they have been through. It could really set them up in terms of believing they can thrive not just survive.

My feelings about facing the storm are maybe similar to the Fred feelings in that I believe it may feel safer to be able to see the storm and to know what it is doing. If I returned it would be to say a huge "stuff you and If you want to get me this is where I am". But there are a few hugely important reasons not to do that (and sometimes I believe there is a fourth in that I think I am worth not having the possible fall out of that happen to me). Huge big thanks for getting it. And thank you lots for listening.

I'm really glad you're looking forward to meeting TTT and that you're travelling ok today despite the tricky. I agree that her office sounds pretty exciting and I can't wait to hear about it. I have a teeny little glitter jar we made and am looking at it now imagining you playing with one tomorrow 🙂

I think I'll listen to that book while you practice opposite action (and yay for opportunities to advertise the DBT adventure :D)

Ummm, 15 hours? Please tell me that's right 😛

Now I really will say night.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Yep, fifteen hours @CheerBear! Super good job!!!!! 

Sleep well.