Paranoid schizophrenia

[Karma_13]

Today was a hard day.

I found it hard to get out of bed.

I found it hard to not cry all day.

I found it hard to suppress the pain.

My partner has paranoid schizophrenia.

I haven’t seen him since February.

On this day he went to go and spend time with his dad, jumpstart a car for his older kids and then refused to come.

He claimed that he’s waiting for whoever’s after him to get him so he can come home.

I’m struggling without him.

I’m struggling to not have him in my daily life.

I’m struggling trying to make sense of anything 🙁

Thank you for reading my discord.

[tyme]

Hey @Karma_13 ,

I hear your hurt and your pain. I hear how much you miss your partner. We are here to support you.

It is not easy to see a loved one experience paranoia. Does your partner have support?

At the same time, it's important to look after YOU. What are some things that keep you well?

[Karma_13]

@tyme thank you for your validation ❤️

the support is there, he is refusing to use it.

His safe space is his kids, which I think is beautiful but in the same sense they will also enable him.

This man raised them, they’ve seen his behaviours their whole lives.

I have a 9 year old daughter who is amazing and so very compassionate and understanding. She is my reason why. Why I get up and carry on.

We have 2 dogs. One is my partner’s dog, she’s 10years old and deteriorating quickly. The other dog was our Christmas present to ourselves, 7months old.

Ive been trying to surrender her for medical reasons but now I think she needs to be put to sleep.

So I’m extremely overwhelmed!

Im good if the rest of my household is good and at the moment it all feels like it’s turning to shit right before my eyes.(sorry about the cursing)

[tyme]

Thank you for sharing you protective factors. It sounds amazing that you have the support of your 9 year old. She sounds so caring. I'm glad to hear she is the reason you get up each day.

Do you think your partner realises he is unwell @Karma_13 ? I'm mindful that with some conditions, they actually do not recognise they are unwell.

[Karma_13]

@tyme 
He knows.

He struggles to differentiate between a hallucination and reality with out his medication.

He was taken off his pills and put on to a monthly injection. He’s inconsistent with either option.

We tried. I tried.

Im still willing to try but he sees himself as unworthy.

My daughter has been through more than she should’ve in her 9 years and it has matured her, made her empathetic, she is truly amazing.

[tyme]

Unfortunately, it may come to the point where he is put on a community treatment order and he has to have his monthly depot. @Karma_13 

It's not easy. But like you said, the family have to support him with accessing the support he needs too.... 

I don't want to share too much of what I think, but I totally hear what you are saying when you mentioned that the family have been enablers...

Please look after yourself. I hear the pain you are going through.

[benji2705]

I'm so sorry that you're experiencing this pain.

[tyme]

Hey @benji2705 @Karma_13 ,

@Karma_13 , I just wanted to check how everything is going with you and your loved one.

[Karma_13]

Hey @tyme,

My dog passed away Monday night.
I rang my partner when it happened. He thanked me and then hung up to cry.
Last night he messaged me to say he was ashamed he couldn’t help.
I haven’t messaged back, I want to comfort him but I’ve chosen to let him sit with his decisions.
I need to pour into myself and my daughter while we grieve.
I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing or not, but I’m doing it.

@benji2705 thanks for jumping on, sorry I didn’t reply sooner.

[tyme]

Hey @Karma_13 , I'm so so so sorry to hear about the passing away of your beloved dog. 

We are sitting with you. I hear it hurts so much right now.

This thread may be helpful Coping with Grief