TW Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah I just won't go near the cliff face again for a while. I'll just go somewhere else and hopefully that might help. @Jynx 

[Captain24]

Yes @Birdofparadise8  whole costumes for whole classes. It was a lot of work. I was in a management role in retail plus dancing and teaching. I survived on very little sleep! I was glad when she started to order some. 

Ask as many questions as you want.

Yes I have bipolar type 2 and social phobia. I was diagnosed around august. Trying to find the correct medication is being difficult. Every time I go to the psychiatrist it’s another med change. I don’t like the one I started last night but I have complete trust in her so I’m giving it a go. 

[Birdofparadise8]

I would be too I am happy then my teacher just orders everything. 

Ah ok I'm just interested because apparently depression can be undiagnosed bipolar in people my age as I haven't had like a manic state yet but my antidepressants aren't working and thats a sign or something it could be bipolar I have heard. @Captain24 

I could be wrong though and just have depression so who knows.

Medication is hard to find what works I'm not having much luck with mine either so hopefully I will get something out of Monday with my psychiatrist. 

[Captain24]

I was treated for depression since I was about 22 I am now 45. Bipolar type 2 the mania isn’t as severe as type 1. I had an episode of mania in May that I didn’t know what it was. Then I crashed the worst I’ve ever crashed. By July I nearly took my life. That’s when I started to seek help. I’ve been up and down since. Usually the ups have only been a couple of hrs or a couple of days except for this last one. It was a week

and it was awesome! The downs are extremely down though. 

I won’t go into to much detail until you see the psychiatrist. They will ask a lot of questions and I don’t want to put thoughts into your head. Some of my elevated moods I didn’t realise until the right questions were asked.

My first appointment I was terrified! But now I’m telling her some stuff about my trauma. 

After your visit feel free to ask me anything you want! Nothing is off limits as long as it’s within the guidelines. 

[Birdofparadise8]

Ok sounds intense at least your getting help for it now though. 

Thanks for the information that's been helpful. @Captain24 

[Captain24]

It’s been very intense! @Birdofparadise8. Just 3 weeks ago I nearly ended it. I had the means ready to do it. But the peer workers on here talked me down. From there though I went manic and was having an awesome time! It’s certainly a roller coaster.

Whatever happens on Monday I am here for you. I won’t be home from work until 8 though. 

[Birdofparadise8]

Are you feeling okay though now @Captain24 ?

That is good they helped. 

Thank you I have ballet till 7:30 so perfect timing. 

[Captain24]

Today has been pretty tough @Birdofparadise8. A lot of triggers have happened in the last 2 days. I do have thoughts running through my head but they are just thoughts. I am completely safe. Just chatting on here with everyone has lifted me up a little though. 

[Birdofparadise8]

Not fun at all is it. Is things bad for you with the depression side of things like me at the moment. That is good to hear I'm always here for a chat as well. @Captain24 

[Captain24]

At the moment it’s ok

@Birdofparadise8. I would say I’m just a little flat.

I feel for myself that there is different stages. Flat, low, depressed and major depression. 

Flat-I’m just a little off. I can still do things

Low-I start to think some negative things about myself. I can still do things I just have to push myself a little harder.

Depressed-I think and say quite a lot of negative things and have SI and SH urges. I lack motivation and struggle to much. I feel like a burden and I’m not worth much

Major depression-I have nothing left. I can’t find any light in the day. I struggle to get off the lounge to even make dinner. The urges are really hard to control. I have absolutely nothing positive to say. I feel like everyone would be better off without me.