Not Coping

[Shaz51]

Hello @Jynx , @Birdofparadise8 , @creative_writer 

Making tuna bake for dinner 

[Birdofparadise8]

No, definitely not here and there, probably not much. 

Maybe I'll have to make it my goal for the rest of the month to say a nice thing to myself. My cousin gave me self-affirmation cards. So I don't even have to think of one. 

Would that be a good start @Jynx 

That's true. I don't like disappointing people, that's all. 

On Wednesday, he asked me about the crying and why. I said it was because I felt sad, but I didn't know why, and he said you seem to have a hard time explaining it, but he just kept going around that for a bit. like I would try and think about what it was, but I just didn't know how to explain it. 

I said it three times. Before I said it, I felt like I physically couldn't. I had tears going down my cheeks as I said it. 

[Birdofparadise8]

Yummy @Shaz51 

I had beef massaman curry. 

[Shaz51]

Yumm @Birdofparadise8 , do you like it hot or mild 

[Birdofparadise8]

Mild @Shaz51 

I can't handle spice. 

[Jynx]

That would be a great start @Birdofparadise8! Maybe even hang a couple of the cards next to your bathroom mirror or somewhere like that, so you have a visual reminder.

It's okay to not want to disappoint people, but only as long as you're not sacrificing your own needs to do so. It's classic faun response, the curse of the chronic people pleaser - I know it so well. Also, if by pointing out to your psych that something isn't working for you, why would he be disappointed by that? That is you vocalising your needs! 

Hmm... have you tried looking into like a mood tracker? Either as an app, or just as a journalling practice. Whenever a particularly strong emotion strikes (positive or negative) you make a note of it, make a note of what you were doing, and anything that happened prior that may have contributed. But most importantly, also tracking the particular thoughts and patterns of thoughts that seem to occur too. Could be helpful in exploring things with your psych in future sessions!

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah, I'd have to put them in my room when the other two people are here. I've got the apartment to myself at the moment. 

Yeah, people pleasing, hey.

Hmm, I don't even know what's not working. All I know is I can't think of why things happen. Maybe I just don't want to think about it. When you said pointing it out to my psych, were you referring to this?

"On Wednesday, he asked me about the crying and why. I said it was because I felt sad, but I didn't know why, and he said you seem to have a hard time explaining it, but he just kept going around that for a bit. like I would try and think about what it was, but I just didn't know how to explain it".

I might write some stuff done from today and yesterday. 

Do you know the emptiness and how to explain it? 

I have used one before, but the psych at the time said to not use it as I would just look at how bad everything was, but maybe I should give it another go. @Jynx  

[Jynx]

Yeah I think that's what I was referring to @Birdofparadise8 - giving feedback to your psych could be really helpful, I reckon writing some reflections down would be a good idea. 

Hmm the emptiness... I guess for me I described it as both an ever tightening knot in my chest, and a hole that couldn't be filled. Could be any manner of things - feeling unfulfilled, feeling lost, feeling unloved - depends on the individual. On another level, it could be described as a person with unmet needs.

That certainly is a possibility, especially if you're prone to rumination. But perhaps setting up some rules around it - like keeping it separate from journalling, putting time limits on how much you spend writing and dwelling in that mental space. Maybe chat to your current psych about it and see what he says - but it could be a helpful way for you to better understand how and why your emotions kick in, since it seems to be a source of distress for you to not know why you feel the way you feel. 

[Birdofparadise8]

Okay, gosh, that will be a hard one. I'll have to write it all down, or I won't say it. I'll chicken out. 

Right, okay, I was wondering that. The deep, dark, empty hole of nothingness. 

Yeah, I'll see how I go for time and bring it up with him about the mood tracker @Jynx. 

Did you enjoy your pizza? I promise to give you the soup recipe. I just need to find my phone and have a shower. I'll post it after that. 

[Jynx]

@Birdofparadise8 Hope that writing it down helps!

Yeah pizza was good! And no rush, whenever you have the energy! I can share recipes too if you want, but maybe another night when it's not so busy! 

Enjoy your shower! Gotta love a bit of hot spray to wash the day away!