Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

Right okay. Yeah, I think we are on a different page with that one. 

But that's all I could do. If I didn't have anyone, I had to rely on myself. 

I was age five - 18 

but, say five - 15,. How am I supposed to know how to self-soothe at that age if no one showed me what to do? @tyme 

[creative_writer]

@Birdofparadise8, I didn’t have role models in my life growing up who taught me self-soothing behaviours. Maybe you experienced something similar to that. Sometimes parents don’t know how to self-soothe, so kids may have no clue what to do. Time teaches you skills, assessing the right supports can teach you skills. It’s not so much about not ever relying on people, that is important in a way too (in moderation) but also about developing a healthy relationship with yourself

[tyme]

Really good question. Some people need to be taught - like me. 

Upon reflection, it seems that some people live in an environment where they naturally learn these skills, whereas for others, they need to be explicitly taught. @Birdofparadise8 

I had to be explicitly taught. And after being taught, I'm thinking, Oh? Is this what people naturally do? I also completed a research paper on Interpersonal and coping skills and how this relates to personality, and believe it or not, it was such an ah ha moment.

[tyme]

Well said @creative_writer  - I agree too.

It depends on if the environment nurtures it.

[Zoe7]

Hey @Birdofparadise8 I have a question: what is it you need from your supports?

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah maybe @creative_writer 

@tyme, I really don't understand how my post has gone from me talking about the bullying and me wanting to protect my younger self and how it makes me upset. Now to how I can't self-soothe. That wasn't the meaning of my post. I just wanted to talk about the bullying. I think I have some skills to self-soothe. Such as music, meditation, breathing, reading, watching tv, exercising, having a hot drink, and art. 

I just want people to be there for me, check in with me, just to chat about what's on my mind. @Zoe7 

[ArraDreaming]

Valid things to want and need @Birdofparadise8

[tyme]

Sorry @Birdofparadise8 

[Birdofparadise8]

Thank you @ArraDreaming 

It doesn't happen unless it's professional support, which makes me sad. 

[Zoe7]

My next question then @Birdofparadise8 is how can you use those supports to develop those skills that help you just be with yourself at times that those supports are not available. I get where @tyme is coming from - and a lot of the issues you have now are no doubt from the years of bullying and not having your needs met but in order to begin putting those horrible times behind you and find a positive way forward, you also have to look within and what needs to change and make some positive steps forward in changing those things. It is of course essential you have an outlet to keep talking but you also need to have people in your life that will challenge you as well as help you make those steps to move forward.