Need to vent

[BlueBay]

hi @FloatingFeather @Snowie @tyme @oceangirl @Shaz51 @BPDSurvivor @Emelia8 @MDT @Eve7 and others I have forgotten

Morning appt with my psychiatrist.  I told her what this new psychologist said about me not having BPD.  She was concerned at how quick in a 1 hr session i was told i don't have BPD. 

She mentioned that i do have BPD as well as cPTSD, depression, anxiety as well as an eating disorder.  She explained the 9 criteria's and how yes they are intertwined with BPD but yes I do unfortunately have both.

She was worried that this psychologist is not even a psychologist; she is a mental health social worker who has worked a lot with people who have gone through PTSD and also does reports for Victims of Crime.  My psych said not to get too worked up about it and just see how i gel with this lady.  If after a month or so I still don't feel comfortable then i will go elsewhere.

we talked about me being home and i'm feeling like a 'maid' for everyone.  clean, wash clothes, fold clothes, cook dinner, do dishes, water garden, mop and vac floors.  I feel like i don't get any thanks for it.  So she has suggested that i have a 'no cooking night' and let hubby know how i feel.

[Snowie]

So glad you got to see you pdoc this morning @BlueBay and she helped in figuring out what the psych had said to you.

A night of from cooking sounds like a great idea. Even if it is just leftovers or maybe your hubby can cook. 

[BlueBay]

hi @Snowie @FloatingFeather @tyme @oceangirl @Shaz51 @Emelia8 @hanami and others

oh my gosh i am angry, i feel like giving up

i just received an email from legal aid to say they can't help me go further as we have a house over a certain amount and have savings.  The savings is from the sale of our house this is from our loan.

it really makes me angry - why didn't she ask me these questions at the very beginning.  i had to give her so much information, pay slips, work rosters, doctors medical certificate, etc, so much stuff and it is all a waste.  if she had asked me about our finances and house situation i wouldn't have had to look at getting all the info she needed.

She mentioned a disability lawyer who she can refer me to and i won't have to pay anything.  

but right now i am so overwhelmed, shocked that i can't think.

why is everything so damn hard.

[Paperdaisy]

That sounds so frustrating @BlueBay I'm sorry to hear you're going through that. I too have felt so angry at times it's overwhelming. You're not alone. I usually go for a big fast walk when I'm feeling really upset. Please take care 💝

[Snowie]

Sorry to hear the news @BlueBay 

I agree that it is so hard to move forward sometimes, especially when our bank account comes into play.

Here with you tonight 💌 

[BlueBay]

thanks @Snowie 

it makes me angry, we struggled so badly financially the past few years and just because we got good money for our sale of home and have a loan still i feel we are punished

i am so over it 

i just need a break from everything

i am sorry for complaining @Snowie 

thanks also @Paperdaisy 

[Snowie]

It is certainly not complaining @BlueBay 

It is getting it out and into the open. Sometimes it is worse when we keep things bottled up, so let it out.

[BlueBay]

❤️@Snowie 

thank you xxxx

and i hope you're okay, i keep forgetting to ask you.

[Snowie]

No need for thankyou's @BlueBay 

We are all here for each other. We hold each other up when it seems too difficult to do it ourselves.

Today has gone a little better then I thought it would. Haven't dissociated today so happy with that.

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @BlueBay ,

In terms of seeing your psychologist, I’m glad you got things ironed out. It’s a bit concerning that a one hour session with a ‘non-psychologist’ nor clinician can make the assumption about your diagnosis. I hope this hasn’t upset you too much.

Perhaps it’s about engaging with her on things she CAN give insight to, rather than mingle with what’s beyond her scope? This way, it may be less stressful for you. Eg, there was a time I had a number of supports. One psychologist would tackle safety while another would tackle ACT treatment. I didn’t mingle the focus even though both were psychologists.

As for the legal aid issue, I’m sorry it has eventuated to this. It’s true when you say it’s unfair. Like Centrelink, housing etc, if you have ‘savings’ and assets, you are assessed on a different scale - if even.

I hope they can link you to other services. But yes, I feel your frustration.

 And with being the home ‘maid’, I see it a lot. You do something once and it becomes ‘your job’. Then you are expected to do it all the time. My sister leaves the house, then calls her husband from outside To come back and lock the door. When I saw it, I asked my sister why she couldn’t just lock the door on her way out. She said, ‘otherwise I have to do everything. He needs to pick up some slack too.’ This incident made me think. Now I know it’s about ‘training’ them to do more or less.

A non-cooking night sounds like a good start!