Need to vent

[MDT]

i enjoy your updates @BlueBay
I hope the baking goes well

Also when you said "I feel very very flat, like i can't be bothered with anything. i just really want to be left alone. but i also feel i need company as well. it doesn't make sense."

I agree it doesn't make sense - i feel this often as well my friend you are not alone in that regard

today i am taking it easy and i made a plan to get out of the house for tonight at dinner as my sister's friend is staying the night so it will feel crowded

[Maggie]

@BlueBay  Contact from family in Italy, that’s exciting.

I can understand the overwhelming feelings with appointments. Added to that, Christmas week. I hope they all work out ok.

Good luck with the cake. Something I find very difficult to do. The kitchen is not my favourite place.

Enjoy little A, she brings some magic in the chaos.

[BlueBay]

Right now I want to scream 

the house is crazy 

there's shit everywhere 

toys shit 

my D us giving me the shits 

A is crying because she's tired 

Omg - will I ever get a break from this life 

yesh one way us to disappear 

oh my emotions are so very strong with tears about to start 

get taken advantage of 

I just can't do this anymore 

I'm I can't even sit down because I'm followed  all the time 

[BlueBay]

two procedures just booked for 15 jan. anaesthetist just emailed - no out of pocket payment (thank god for that)

now I'm nervous 

tiday is really not a good day 

So much on my mind 

[Judi9877]

Hey @BlueBay . Just sitting here with you at the moment thinking positive thoughts. I know it is tough right now and very stressful but you are a strong person and you will get through this. I believe in you! 

Take care BlueBay and stay safe forumite!

Judi9877☺️💐🍀

[Emelia8]

I'm glad to hear that things are falling into place for you @BlueBay , at least regarding medical procedures. 15th January is not far away when you take into account all the holidays between now and then.  Also good that you will not be saddled with any additional costs for these in-hospital procedures.  That was thankfully the case for me too with my recent surgery.

Of course you are nervous!  Thats all very natural.  But you will get through it and all will be fine.  You certainly do have a lot on your mind, and I feel for you in that regard.  Try to get through each thing individually and, before you know it, it will all be over and done with.

Sending comforting hugs your way and lots of love.

Emelia 💞

[BlueBay]

Thank you both @Emelia8 @Judi9877 for your replies. 
it's a relief no charges for the anaesthest

the only payment I'll need to pay is my $250 excess payment. But that is a one off payment for the whole year. So when I have the hysterectomy (possibly) I won't need to pay excess again. 

Since been in hodpital my Bp is an issue. It's dropping  too low. I'm normally on the high side. I think it could possibly be a new med the cardiologist put me on. 
Ive been feeling like I'm floating all day. I checked my BP and it's 102/50. This is extremely low for me.  So I called my gp and I need to stop my bp med znd see him next week. I need to be careful I don't faint. 
go slow. 

[BlueBay]

Morning friends @Emelia8 @Judi9877 @Maggie @MDT @Owlunar @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope  and others

I need to vent!!!!! 

Today hubby is home so I thought it would be a good opportunity to visit my parents before christmas.  The answser was 'no we won't be home' !!!  Where the f..k do they go - nowhere.  they are home, i know they are; it's her.  it is her that makes up these excuses.  every single i want to go over; there she is again with an excuse.

well now they can wait until after Christmas, when it suits me.  I am so over her so much.  A mother, what mother is she. who doesn't want to see their own children.  apparently my mother doesn't want to see me.

And again - my poort dad 😞 

[MDT]

Could you bring that up with her? @BlueBay

[BlueBay]

hey @MDT 

no I can't.  she is very domineering and really a bully!!

she decides when it's right for her to have me go over.  So now i am not going when she wants me to.  

i struggle with her 'pushing my buttons' all the time

I guess i need to learn to accept her the way she is - but it's really hard. because in my head she is my mum, a mother who should love and adore her children no matter what.  but my mother is very different to 'normal mums' - like me.

i am completely different to her, much different.