My Mosaic

[Captain24]

Oh how I feel you so much right now @Bow. Sitting with you more than anyone realises

[Bow]

I called after hours comm mh last night, they weren’t overly helpful, argued with me about going to hospital. I told them no. Eventually agreed on just trying to sleep cause I had already taken my meds. 
I didn’t sleep well. 
And still feel absolutely lousy today. Still alot of SI that is really intense. Comm mh called today, spoke to some random. I agreed I would just keep painting and call if things got worse. 

Also, I finally got my new work contract. I’ve been working for my church for years. Doing admin, social media and website stuff and any other random things. I was employed for 4hrs a week. While under my old pastor I always had things to do. I nearly always did my 4hrs. But my new pastors no. He is terrible at admin, never gives me things to do until the last minute and then feels bad and often just does them himself and then makes me look and feel incompetent. 
late last year he called a meeting and basically said cause I was in hospital so much and generally not well and not doing the hours that they wanted to change my contract to just casual hours and I get paid for the hours I do. 
I do 2 tasks every week consistently… send roster reminders out and create a social media post about church for the weekend- these 2 tasks take me max 8minutes. And then 2 other tasks when required, which neither take long either. 
My hourly rate has gone up $1.50 from part time hourly rate. I don’t really feel like I have a right to complain about the pay since I’ve been paid my part time rate for ages when not doing the work. But I never once got a pay rise and I’ve gone from part time to casual and my rate only went up $1.50. 

Anyways, I’m just venting. I’m a bit angry and upset with the whole situation. And think I will resign. It’s really not worth the stress. 

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @Bow,

Sounds like you had a rough night and morning - I hope things pick up for you today. It's good to read at least that the Comm mh called today and that you will call them if you start to feel worse.

What a shame the old pastor left your church and the new one is making things challenging for you - I would think the new pastor would be glad to have someone with experience around how the admin side of the church works. I have had a few bosses that have left things to the last minute and then it becomes a panic - I find it hard to deal with those type of situations as I'm pretty organised so that type of thing throws me.

I get why you are a bit angry and upset with it all - vent away. I understand why you may want to resign if the stress of it outweighs the good parts.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather 

[Bow]

Thanks @FloatingFeather 

Yeah I’m generally a pretty organised person. I like to get to things on time. Part of my roll is to compile a roster. I send out a blank roster to the area leaders, they fill in their sections and send it back to me. I then compile it, make sure nothing clashes and then send it out to everyone. I like to do this at least a month in advance so people have time to complete it. I did this in late November last year, for the January- March roster, gave people extra time cause of the silly season. I send out a remind mid December cause I hadn’t received anything from anyone. Come January there is no roster cause no one has sent anything back to me. Then there is a panic cause the lead pastor goes on leave for a couple of weeks, no one knows what is going on and I am left looking like the incompetent idiot cause it’s my responsibility. 
Then there are the many emails with completed tasks attached that my pastor misses. Which he then goes and completes himself, again making me look incompetent. 

It’s just been so stressful since they took over, and for the 15mins a fortnight I would regularly complete work, it’s not worth the stress and responsibility. 

[Bow]

No one will notice 

noone will care

ill disappear 

I’m sorry

tc

[FloatingFeather]

It sounds like their loss @Bow - you sound like you are really on the ball, efficient and very organised. It's a shame because you clearly know what needs to be done and how to do it.

I'm sorry you feel like you need to leave but I understand what you mean about it not being worth the stress and responsibility.

FloatingFeather ❤️ 

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @Bow,

I'm really sorry you are feeling this way. So many people do care about you and we all want the best for you.

I will send you an email to check in with you so please respond when you can.

FloatingFeather ❤️ 

[Captain24]

I will notice and I care @Bow Please be kind to yourself 

[Eve7]

I hope you’re safe @Bow  Thinking about you and sitting by your side tonight.

💙🤗🤗💙🤗🤗💙🤗🤗💙

[Bow]

Really struggling @Eve7 

feel really panicky

i can’t do my journal home work cause my head is too noisy and I can’t hear anything healthy

ive already spoken to comm mh twice today

ive taken my meds and I know they won’t help put me to sleep when that’s all I desperately want to do. 
wanna sleep and never wake