Low self esteem, still 😢

[Leonie1]

😊 @Blackbird11 

[Leonie1]

Thank you. So grateful I found this site. I feel safe and the people are so supportive.  It's just what I need 💜 @hanami 

[Patches59]

Hi @Leonie1  Ive been reading your posts and lot resonates with me, main difference due to his health I ‘lost my dad’ when I was 12,  I was always loved by both my parents and was Daddy’s girl with my dad having a very laid back, relaxed attitude.  He loved kids and used to take older relatives and neighbours children fishing on regular basis.  When I was 12 my dad had a stroke which during the next approx 6 months changed him to being verbally violent which over time became physical violence.  

Im 60 and it’s taken my a long time to start to remember lots of things that happened.  I do know, as early teenager, I used to ask myself what had I done wrong every time my dad got angry.  As an adult one of the things I struggle with is self blame lots of times.  Family and friends I’ve known for years it doesn’t worry me if I don’t hear from them for weeks, or longer at times. For me I know the trust Ive established with them over the years and find this helps me not worry or start to think I’ve done something wrong when I don’t hear from them.

I have 2 friends who I have known for about 1year, 1 of which I feel closer to than the other.  The friend I feel closer to and I have an agreement if neither person hears from each other for 5 days we send a message asking how the other person is.  It has taken me almost the entire year to be semi comfortable with this mutual agreement.  I find I struggle when my friend reads my message and doesn’t reply …. I start to wonder what I have said or done wrong at times.  Is something her and I have talked about which is helping me punishing myself less.

between reading other peoples posts in the forums plus talking with my therapist I’m slowly becoming aware how much of different events I went through in my childhood/pre 20yo has had negative impact on my current reactions.  I’m slowly learning and being part of the forums and weekly peer group discussions is helping me also

you are not alone with your feelings

hoping rest of this week is kind to you

[Leonie1]

Thank you.  This forum is making me realise so many of us have suffered childhood trauma.  It's such a kind group.  I feel safe with you all.  I have had so much therapy.  I don't want to have any more.  I hadn't realized that others feel just like me.  That's all the therapy I need now.  Just people who listen and understand 💜

@Patches59