I'm in a nest

[CheerBear]

@Phoenix_Rising- I was the one with the BPD diagnosis. I know that I have had huge muddles that have been loud and chaotic and intense too and I know that however full on they might have been for someone else, I haven't hurt anyone either during a muddle either. Why I used to have the diagnosis and now have 'traits' is that once I left a big storm who told big ships in white about my muddles but not their abusive behaviour directed at me that caused or worsened the muddles in the first place, the muddles weren't so intense. It doesn't matter really any of that at the moment though, but I thank you for thinking of me during your flood. Me saying that is just some more sharing of my story to show you why and how I can 'get' it. You being prickly really doesn't scare me. I see the reaction of fear, anger, pain and feelings of abandonment caused by trauma and loss. I know it might feel scary for you, but I am not scared of or by you and haven't been at all before. I'll wait here with you until it changes which it will.

@Former-Member- I have a vision of you working through the mess caused by a white ship, rising stronger than you were before, then bowling the ship over yourself. That's my hope for you Teej.

@Faith-and-Hope- I'm thinking of you lots lately too. I don't say it to you because I see you working your way through the mess with quiet, calmness. I have so much respect for how hard it may be to go through what you're going through and I wish you all the best with what may come.

[Phoenix_Rising]

@CheerBear, Oh, my bad. I guess that just goes to show how muddled my brain is. I had it in my head that your partner had been diagnosed with BPD and that this was somehow used to excuse violence and abuse. I super hope my muddled brain hasn't caused you pain.

It makes me super angry that you got labelled with the diagnosis simply because you were having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. I fear that that happens all too often. Indeed, in my own situation, all my muddle started with a catastrophic loss, which was disenfranchised. And then of course the muddle just got bigger and bigger and BIGGER through my experiences with white ships.

I'm super glad you aren't scared of me. I find it so hard to understand why so many people are afraid of me because I know myself that there is nothing in the world dangerous about me. Super big thank you for being my not friend. I feel calmer now after talking to RockPool, and (A) is going to call soon too. I know I just need to move through the grief. Having people support me through the grief rather than shaming me for it makes a world of difference!

[CheerBear]

I can see why you might have thought that @Phoenix_Rising. Your brain hasn't caused me any pain. There was a conversation here a while ago about it that ended up becoming very messy and probably confusing for a few, definitely including me. It had bad news written all over it for me and I learnt some really valuable forum lessons through that conversation. From memory a yellow bear drowned in a whirlpool at that time. But like a phoenix rises, a pink bear returned in the yellow bear's place and this pink bear is definitely better at self-care on the forum because of it. I know you know as well as anyone the dangers of stigma and how awful it can be to have shame added to grief. I know you also know how much trauma reactions really are normal responses to abnormal situations like you said. Along with that line, one of my other favourites is "the person is not the problem. The problem is the problem". These two phrases are the way I kind of see mh related challenges.

I'm glad you're feeling calmer now. I'm off to an appointment now. I have something exciting to share later too. You inspired me to look for something helpful for me and I think I found it.

Hope today only gets better from here.

[TheVorticon]

Hey everyone (not gonna tag cause I'll miss someone trying that with my phone) hope you all are having a good (or ok) afternoon. If you can , enjoy some sunshine for me while I'm stuck at work

[CheerBear]

How's your to-do list going for you today @TheVorticon? Did you ride to work? It's overcast here (and very very cold) but I'll say hi to the clouds for you! Winter has arrived 😕

Feeling a bit shaky after my appointment. It'll pass and until it does I'll work on adding stitches to my blanket.

Hope the day is going well for you all.

[Shaz51]

sending you hugs @CheerBear 

can not wait to see the blanket , it will be beautiful xx

[Former-Member]

@CheerBear I just wanted to thank you sooooo much for your long post answering my questions and sharing so much honestly and authentically with me. I just revisited it again and have saved it as a favourite. I think I might be revisiting it a bit in the coming weeks. 

I was blessed to have some help this morning that's put my day on track. It's been a slow and steady day, and so much better than yesterday. I'm back in rebuilding phase.....very slowly......cos that's the only speed I have right now. Hoping to write in daily goals later if I can hold it together, which is looking ok as my great big fishes (more like sharks some days) are all out and it's so much what I needed. Most days I have three of them home hovering and hoovering food (two uni students who prefer to stay home and watch lectures online 😣, and one is unemployed but starting tafe next term). And two are out tonight so more breathing space 🙂

I hope you are having a good day 💜🤗💐

[Former-Member]

Oh @CheerBear i just saw your latest post. I hope you are doing better now and your appointment  was a moving forward shaky one. I'm hoping to be back on later tonight if you need to talk. Thinking of you. 💐

[TheVorticon]

I did my best at the to-do list @CheerBear, although not happy about the bike situation (brakes aren't working ). Just deciding what bonus round thing to attempt. Hope you're going well with your blanket and feeling better.

@Phoenix_Rising hope your wave riding is alright tonight. I'm not feeling "prickled" by you trying your best to deal with the big feelings. After all, you're a turtle, not a puffer fish.

[Phoenix_Rising]

---

@TheVorticon wrote:

@Phoenix_Rising hope your wave riding is alright tonight. I'm not feeling "prickled" by you trying your best to deal with the big feelings. After all, you're a turtle, not a puffer fish.

---

@TheVorticon You say the sweetest things. I see you as such a genuine and caring guy. Thank you for being you.