I’m bored.. + some random thoughts

[Blackcloud]

@Gremlin24 @rav3n today I had my arts therapy session appointment so I decided to get my support worker to come with me to the appointment, but when that happened everything went completely awkward and it felt completely daunting and quite intimidating for me lol - so towards the end of the session, I knew that coming to the session and being there only by myself without having someone else with me would be much   better for me than if it was more than just myself  and the arts therapist. Also when she (the arts therapist) asked me during the session how I’m finding the session with my support worker at present or if I’m ok with having them here (while my support worker is also there o_o) I felt like the need to lie and say that I’m okay and that I’m all good - when it reality I actually wasnt xD so, yeah it wasn’t that great of an experience today but oh well, hopefully the next time I go there and have just myself to attend the session, then it’d be much better than if there was a third person and so fourth.

i felt like when I was answering the questions that the arts therapist was asking me, I couldn’t really answer them properly because of the third person (my support worker) that was present. 
Gosh, I should’ve asked her if she can stay in her car and just wait for me instead of getting her to come to the session with me 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲 because she did asked me before we both were about to head in if I would like her to just sit in her car to wait for me lol

i even went to bed at 4pm this afternoon and woke up at 7:55pm this evening haha I feel like it tends to happen whenever I’m going out somewhere with someone and the experience doesn’t turn out to be the way I expect it to be, which I guess that would be why..?

also, the support worker that I had today was a bit younger than me so that makes it even more awkward lmao than if it was someone that’s a bit older

[Gremlin24]

@Blackcloud sorry the experience wasn't great but we only learn from trying. So the fact that you gave it a go was great and now you know that it's something you'd rather do alone which is completely fine. That pressure when asked a question in front of someone is tough and of course it's only natural to not want to say exactly how you are feeling cos noone wants to hurt someone's feelings. 

But hey you made it through and you even snuck in a good nap which sounds like it was needed to recover from the experience. 

I hope the rest of your night is relaxing 😊. 

[Blackcloud]

@Gremlin24 yeah, you’re right about that haha 🙂 also, I went to the dog park with my support worker too since the arts therapist told us about it during the session. It was only just three people in there and the 3 dogs that belong to them too. 2 of them came up to us - well one came up to my support worker instead of me.

The other one is a golden retriever, and luckily the golden retriever came up to me and I was able to pet it for a bit before it walked away from us and had enough of us petting him or her 😂😂 god bless the golden retriever for coming up to me though 😍🥹❤️

[Gremlin24]

@Blackcloud visiting the dog park sounds nice and dogs really are great therapy. Golden retrievers are beautiful, I'm glad you you got to get some pats 😊. 

[Blackcloud]

@Gremlin24 @Idk why I can’t get myself to do my uni stuff for a bit for some reason xD hmmmm… school/uni stuff is boring for me now I guess idk

but I feel like the fact that no one in this world is willing to understand me and accept me for who I am even though I really need someone is really sad 

like in every single social settings, I’m always being left alone and no one there (including in classes) want to even come and talk to me and not make me feel unbelonged and lonely🥲

[Gremlin24]

@Blackcloud guess you gotta be in the right head space and mood to be able to study. 

Awww that's rough, I know it's not the same as real life but I'm willing to understand and accept you just the way you are. And I think you're pretty awesome 😊.

I get where you're coming from it's so hard when you can sit in a room full of people and not one person talks to you. I really hope that changes for you and you can at least make a connection with someone or a few people. Until then you always have us here 😊

[Blackcloud]

@Gremlin24 

am I really that great of a person? 🥺🥺🥺

Nah cause I’ve always been in this kind of situation throughout my whole life so there’s no way it’ll change or get better cause it’ll never happen and never will be. 😒 😞😔 people are just cruel and not accepting of others like that unfortunately.

[Gremlin24]

@Blackcloud 

Yes you are, you really are ❤️.

Never doubt your self worth based on how other people treat you. It only says what sort of person they are not how you are. 

Totally get it, it's the exact same for me. People have never understood me or even bothered to take the time to. That's what's so good about here, we have all been through different life experiences so in one way or another we all get each other.