I can’t cope

[Jynx]

@Captain24 yeah it's a nice change of pace!! And magical smut hits different apparently, got a whole new special interest brewing 🤣 Do you read much fiction/fantasy? Any smut? lol

Yeah it's going well! Been interesting seeing how my attachment trauma has reared its head again, and how I've gotten a lot better at recognising when it does. Like, NO silly brain, them not texting me back is NOT a crisis, smh!!

Nothing we haven't been able to hash out with some solid communication though 😊

[Captain24]

I use to read a lot of psychological thrillers @Jynx. Definitely not into fantasy and never really got into smut as it wasn’t as interesting as the thrillers. Plus I have trouble understanding people’s need for passion, especially in those books. I never gotten the whole rip your clothes off and go for it. 

Good on you for recognising it and being able to communicate it. I find that inspiring. It kinda gives hope that maybe one day I will be the same. I’ve got to survive until then though. 

[Snowie]

I've got reading in my sp too @Captain24 

Sometimes just sitting outside in the fresh air can be so peaceful and nice.

I like the orchid set, D has that one.

@Jynx I think kindness goes a long way, especially in our society today. Just a smile for someone might help their day.

[Captain24]

It was nice. I don’t sit out there often but I realised today that I need to do it more @Snowie. I did it today hoping the fresh air and sunlight will help me to get better. I have to try and help myself. 

This is the new one that came out a couple of days ago. I got my Lego order today! 

[tyme]

I started sorting things out for tomorrow @Captain24 . I covered the pool and tidied up a few things. 

I haven't packed yet. I'll do that probably tomorrow. I don't even know what to pack yet. My sister is none the better. She only just washed her kids clothes and put in on the line... 

My towels are still damp. Then again, I'm not taking towels coz mum will have towels. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 honestly I get it!! I think that's why standard smut hasn't ever gripped me, it's too tame, too lame... like if I'm gonna spend energy reading smut it better be knock-my-socks-off, won't get this anywhere else... and like, apparently fairy sex is hot? To me anyway. Wild 😝

Oooh do you also watch a lotta true crime? I used to watch Forensic Files with a friend of mine all the time, sooooo fascinating!! 

Heck yes!! You will get there hun!! And you're doing a bang up job surviving in the meantime. Like, legit! You're dealing with so much, at war inside your own mind, and you keep on keepin on. It's inspiring to me!!

@Snowie yesss radical kindness! Like seeing a store clerk's face light up when I greet them with genuine warmth and a silly joke. If I have the energy haha sometimes I just need headphones and no interactions 😅

[Captain24]

Thanks for letting me talk it out @tyme. I appreciate someone knowing where I’m at. To be able to be open and honest within guidelines. 

Im proud of you for doing your washing and get some things ready! 

Don’t  you get all anxious that you’ve forgotten something? I write a list of everything and tick it off. I go away in 4 weeks and I’m starting to do my list.  I’d be worried that the kids clothes won’t dry. Just writing this I realise I really need to get my anxiety under control. 

[Snowie]

Lego order @Captain24 That sounds good!!

More lego to build. You really do need that extra room 😁

I agree @Jynx Sometimes headphones is all I can do too. Or I just send out hubby!!!!

[Captain24]

I’m glad you’ve found something that works for you. Sometimes I wish there was something for me to make me feel a little normal. @Jynx.

I was watching a tv show and they were getting hot and heavy and I just don’t get it. I guess that’s the asexual part of me. I’ve never had the rip your clothes off and go for it. It’s just been pretty tame and me just doing what was expected. I’ve done some stuff while I’m manic but that’s different. 

Nah.. I really only watch game and away and neighbours and some reality shows. Only certain ones though. 

Im trying to broaden my interests on Netflix but I'm watching a tv show that’s pretty much a soapie so I guess I haven’t opened up much. 

I have been watching Australian movies a little bit though. Especially aboriginal ones. I have found them interesting. There’s a show with Noni Hazelhurst in it so I’ll check it out. 

Im barely surviving but I guess each day is a step forward even though it doesn’t feel like it. I do surprise myself sometimes that I’m able to go to work after the torment of my mind the night before. I will think about ending my life all day but I’m still functioning as far as people can see. I can have a conversation all while wishing I was dead and realise no one knows what is going on inside. 

[Captain24]

I’ve got so much here to build @Snowie. There are a lot of little ones so I should do some of them as they aren’t as in depth as the 3000+ piece ones. Plus I have a $2500 wish list on the Lego site. I’m gradually getting them. A couple have been retired though but that’s ok they weren’t ones that I desperately wanted.