I can’t cope

[Captain24]

His girlfriend said they were @tyme. 

He is just an arrogant, narcissistic piece of shit. I don’t even want them to come. 

I’ve just come outside for a smoke and have Jett on my lap. Sounds similar. I should probably feed them.

[tyme]

I thought you got off the smokes @Captain24  - totally okay if you aren't. I remember you trying to wean yourself off during your last visit.

Do you have motels/hotels around where you are? You may need to direct them to one lol

[Captain24]

I did quit but started again in hospital. It was encouraged. @tyme. Going to try again soon.

Mum would hit the roof. I have to do whatever they all want. It’s about all of them not me. 

I don’t even care for Christmas. I have put the lights up and I haven’t made the Christmas cake. It’s too late to make it now. 

[tyme]

To be honest, what's the worst that can happen if you don't have the christmas cake or you aren't ready? @Captain24 

I know you like things to be organised, but I also know that it's sometimes beyond our control.

YOU are most important @Captain24 . We need to work together to look after you 🙂

[Captain24]

Nothing just the judgement of not having done it. @tyme 

The not knowing about my brother is overwhelming because like you said I need organisation. My Christmas is so unorganised. I don’t even know if lunch is at my place or mums. But right now I just don’t care. 

Im just someone they all walk over. It actually crushes my heart. That’s the first time I’ve ever admitted to that. It really does hurt deeply. 

They don’t care about me just what they can get. 

I don’t know how I’m the most important. They are more important.

[Jynx]

@Captain24 just popping in to give you a hug!! 🫂

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@Captain24 wrote:

I don’t know how I’m the most important. They are more important.

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Not to us they aren't!! No matter what narrative about your worth they try to shove onto you, we know the truth! You're precious to us here!! 

[Captain24]

You just made me cry @Jynx 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 I do that a lot don't I? You ok?

[Captain24]

You have your moments @Jynx 😜 

No I’m not. I can’t even describe it other than I’m crushed beneath the weight of my family. It’s how they always make me feel. I’m glad I see my psych on the 24th.

Increased thoughts. Talking about it brings me unstuck and it’s not even close to Christmas. 

[Captain24]

How can we work together @tyme?

How do I change the impending doom?