I can’t cope

[tyme]

I can't say I LOVED my time alone because I'm still not in my own home... it makes such a difference. @Captain24 

And my sister and I are still not on talking terms so it's not very comfy here...

Look, I own it.. I snapped, but she rubbed me up the wrong way. 

Meh.. anyway, I'm confident it will get sorted... It's a bit childish, but I feel the not-talking is giving me a break. So it's okay.

Working for the next three nights? Erghhhh

[Captain24]

I got it. It doesn’t matter @tyme 

[tyme]

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@Captain24 wrote:

I got it. It doesn’t matter @tyme 

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I hope i didnt miss something.....

That felt very 'cold'?

[Captain24]

It’s hard when you aren’t in your own space. @tyme 

It may feel childish but if it’s upset you then it’s not childish it’s important. You are out of home. Out of routine. Things happen. 

Im guessing it’ll get sorted when you get home. She needs help with the kids 

Yeah 3 nights. I hate it. 

[Captain24]

Sorry I didn’t mean it to feel that way @tyme 

[tyme]

No no @Captain24 , I'm open. Take your time. I'm mindful you've had a big day at work so I don't expect you to whip up a response now.

Happy to just chat for now if you want. Keep it light? Then we can work of the 'other stuff' later? I'm led by you.

[Captain24]

I did respond but I should have done better. I’ll re-respond in the morning when I’m not so tired. @tyme 

Im really sorry. 

I feel like I’m not being myself. I don’t feel comfortable. 

Other than the forums do you have anything on for the next few days? 

[tyme]

No stress at all @Captain24 .

Take your time. I went on a few walks with Ruby today. It was nice to just get out and clear my head.

BUT, then the last walk, the kids came and the little fire cracker kid stood in the middle of the street and screamed that we ALL have to go home! The more I ignored her, the more she screamed. At first, I said I wasn't going to take her because she just screams if she doesn't 'win the race' (Nephew vs Niece). So she promised she wouldn't.

And she didn't. She was just tired and didn't want to go home without us so we ALL HAD TO GO HOME!!!

I left her, called my BIL to grab her and take her home. And that was it... painful child....

And, with the next few days? Um, I think I am visiting someone tomorrow morning to sort out the 'mess' that I came to Sydney with. 

Content/trigger warning

Remember how I was really upset and wanted to go to Syd for a break? The reason was that someone said something that really affect me, my sister and her family (and others)... 2 days later, the person had a heart attack.... he's okay but it was a shock.

Um... then on Saturday, I reckon I'll return to Melb. I've really had enough. I'll see how it goes.

So yeah, not very eventful...but full.

So let me guess, this is your block of work?? I seriously don't know how you do it. Do you think you can stay it in for a lot longer? 

[Captain24]

Thanks you for being understanding @tyme 

A few walks? You must have needed a lot of escape! 

OMG she sounds like an adorable handful. 

I hope you can sort it out. I don’t like seeing how it’s affected you. I care. Is it something he always does or could it have been the early warning signs of the heart attack? 

If you go home you will have your own space. Be able to be comfortable without pressures. I just want to see you relaxed and calm. 

When do the others go home? 

Yeah this is my block. This one is 2 days 3 nights. Monday morning I am free. I need to do it for at least 15 more years. I need to pay off my house. 

[tyme]

She's an adorable painful handful @Captain24 

I'm sorry things are so crappy tonight for you. Have you taken your meds so they can start kicking in?

Another 15 years!!?? Would you look at doing something else at all? When I first met you, you seemed to really enjoy your job. It was a protective factor and something to look forward to. Now, it seems like such a painful obligation. How many years have you been in it already?

I'm so sorry I have to love you and leave you now. I wish I could stay. Please know I'm thinking of you. I'll post when I can. Feel free to check it when you get a chance. 

Hugs Captain.