I can’t cope

[Captain24]

She listened. I told her about yesterday. I told her about my abuse as a child. I told her my current abuse. I told her my fears. I learnt a lot today. I know so much more the reason why I do things.

I even told her about my sexuality. The first time I have said it out loud. I told her now I understand why I’m not the ‘society norm’. I told her it’s a little piece of the puzzle I’m trying to put together. 

She said I should be able to gradually put more pieces together. She said we can unpack my childhood and it will not be baggage any more. She said I can move past it. She said I can heal from it. She said I can grow. 

I am tired. I am exhausted. It was hard and confronting. I just feel the need to sleep. 

[Ru-bee]

I'm so glad she listened and that you were able to focus on the areas you needed today @Captain24 

Delving into this part of your past would be understandably exhausting, allow yourself to rest and sleep if that's what you need right now. 

[Captain24]

Hi @Ru-bee 

How are you today? 

It was so hard but I’ve been seeing her for just over a year. This was the most productive appointment. For the first time I was like ‘wow this is over already’.

Im not sure how I feel but it’s not a

good place. 

Im waiting for a parcel to be delivered then bath Pix and Jett. I’m doing housework until then.

If I wasn’t waiting I could have a sleep. But I also have my sleep on track at the moment. Going to sleep at a reasonable hour and waking at a reasonable hour.

Maybe it’s the no nightshifts or maybe it’s the fact that my body is finally starting to adjust to the no smoking. Or maybe I’ve recovered from me being stupid and stopping all my meds. 

What I think I really need is to not be alone. 

[Ru-bee]

I'm good thanks @Captain24 

Yeah, sometimes the most productive sessions leave you feeling very raw, like you've exposed a nerve. Even though you know it's going to helpful in the long run, it can definitely take it out of you.

Sounds like you've got a bit of a busy afternoon planned with housework and bathing Pix and Jett. Hopefully keeping busy helps you get through today. If not, I'm always happy to sit here with you

[Captain24]

That’s good @Ru-bee.

Raw is what it is and very exposed. That hits the nail on the head! 

My Lego parcel still hasn’t arrived. But the other one last week didn’t arrive until 5. So I could be waiting a while. I’m hoping it’s in first rounds not second. 

Keeping busy seems to be working so far. Maybe if I just keep going it all disappear! Yeah right.. 😜. At least I’m occupied. I only have the kitchen left and the dogs.

I might really need to focus on self care for the rest of the day. 

It’s very cold and rainy here today. 

What things do you like to do? Any hobbies? 

[Ru-bee]

Yes, self care sounds like a great idea today @Captain24 

I seem to bounce around with my hobbies, just focusing on one at a time. Earlier in the year that was knitting, currently I'm playing a video game in my free time, after that I think (or hope) I'll be getting back into art and have booked myself in to do an oil painting class later this month which I'm very excited about!

What Lego set are you waiting on today?

[Captain24]

Ahh. We talked about this before with the knitting @Ru-bee 

Whats the video game? I’m a Mario kinda gal. Im not really up on games though. I have a Wii and I’m thinking I need to buy myself a switch! 

Im waiting on the pink parrot. It was on back order. It’s the only one that needs to be signed for. The other parcel from last week was a lot more value! Go figure. Last weeks had 5 sets in it. I’m a little obsessed. I’m hoping that when I go to hospital I can call into the Lego shop at Penrith on my way home! 

[Ru-bee]

Yeah I play on the switch @Captain24 I like that its a handheld console so I can just pick it up and play when I feel like without needing to set it up on the TV. We have some other consoles but I just find the switch is perfect for a very casual gamer like me.

I'm currently playing Zelda, I've been playing it for over a year now because I find my interest ebbs and flows, but right now I'm really enjoying and am sad to see that I'm nearly at the end of it. 

Oh wow the parrot looks awesome, will it be life-sized do you think, or a bit smaller?

[Captain24]

That sounds good @Ru-bee You're selling me on the switch. It might be my Christmas present to myself, if I ever stop buying Lego! 

I’ve heard of Zelda but don’t really know much about it. 

I’ve got the blue parrot and it’s about the size of a budgie. I would have to say birds are my favourite animal after my babies. 

Do you have a favourite animal? Do you have pets? 

[Ru-bee]

I've got 2 cats @Captain24  

Picking a favourite animal is hard! I love animals. My dream is to one day be able to have a little bit of land and spend my days there taking care of rescue animals