I can’t cope

[Jynx]

Aww @Captain24 going through it aren't ya. I am glad it's not as bad today. Are you safe atm hun? 

Sending some hugs 🫂🫂

[Captain24]

I feel like I’m going through a little bit @Jynx. I’m not sure that I can take anymore. That’s the forum edited version. 

It does surprise me that I was able work so effectively for the last 2 days. I masked the inner despair, turmoil and self destruction really well. It does come ravelling undone rapidly though. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 Sounds like things are really overwhelming for you atm hun, is it maybe time to get in touch with a crisis service? 

[Captain24]

I’m tired @Jynx. I’m so tired of it all. I don’t have the strength left. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 I know hun, it's exhausting. And I know it feels like you got nothing left in the tank, but hun, you are a survivalist. You're a warrior, you've gotten through worse days, and you can do so again. I believe in you 💜

[Captain24]

You have a way about you @Jynx. Your response just let me let go. I am so exhausted that I just can’t cope. But I’ve now just let go and am lying here crying. Just that release instead of constantly trying to hold it together 

[Jynx]

"A way about me" huh @Captain24? Haha thanks hun, I do try. I hope the crying brings relief, or at least exhausts you enough that you can conk out and get some decent sleep. I'm off for tonight, try to be gentle with yourself and remember to drink some water - crying always leaves me super dehydrated 😅

More hugs for you 🫂 and nighty night 💜 

[Captain24]

Yes @Jynx. I knew you would get it. 

Thank you for tonight. And thank you for being you

[NatureLover]

Amazing you've been able to work, @Captain24 ! How are the chest pains today? 

[Captain24]

Yesterday I had to get the bus into the pit to get to my truck. There was about 15 of us on it. Everyone was just chatting and seemed happy. 

I was sitting there watching and wondering whether it’s normal to continually wish you were dead. To constantly have suicidal thoughts. To know that you are not a worthwhile person. 

Do others feel like this or are some people actually happy with life and don’t wish final thoughts upon themselves. 

For as long as I can remember I have had these thoughts. Even to the point of my year 7 diary said I wished I was dead. We are talking over 30 years. If these thoughts aren’t normal will they ever leave. Will things ever get better. 

I often wonder whether people actually like themselves. While I was in hospital the facilitators were all for taking care of ourselves and liking ourselves. Will I be dead before I ever know if it’s possible. Will I ever know what it’s like on the other side. 

It’s life worth even trying? Do I just give up now? Will the good ever happen to me? 

I think my time is near.