I can’t cope

[Captain24]

Thanks for responding @PizzaMondo 

We do video call each other occasionally but usually she is driving when we chat. It’s mostly the only time she is free! 

The friends I made while I was away are in messenger so someone posts most days. I don’t have anyone’s number though.

I know I have the walls it’s part of trauma I discovered. I now need to gradually bring them down. I need to learn to trust in people. My mind tells me that the barrier is keeping my safe but its not helpful and doesn’t keep me safe it’s detrimental to my MH

I hope you finally got your hot cup of tea

[Captain24]

Aaarrgghh just spent time with my parents 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 Sounds like it er...didn't go well?

[Captain24]

It was fine @Jynx no nastiness but I realised how much I can’t be around them. They affect me really badly. It doesn’t feel good. 

[Jynx]

Mm makes sense @Captain24 - you're better equipped now to recognise things that are draining, triggering, or otherwise wear on you. Do you think it's possible to find ways to minimise contact with them, at least in these early days of your return home? 

[Captain24]

I need to @Jynx otherwise it’s going to derail me and I don’t want that to happen especially so soon. 

I already have some early warning signs but when the nurse from the clinic called me today she said some people do. I just need to make sure I give myself some care. 

How are you going? 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 good looking out hun - also a chance to practice your boundaries if they decide they are someone entitled to your time and energy! 

I'm glad you got that check in, and some feedback from the nurse. Always helps to have that normalising hey! 

Not too shabby today, just trying to will myself to do some cleaning later after work haha. 

[Captain24]

It does normalise it @Jynx. I’m so tired. All I want to do is sleep. I got most things done today before my psych appointment. When I came home all I wanted to do was go to bed. I think it’ll be a really early night tonight. 

Good luck with cleaning. I still have one room to go to get my house back to before I went away. I cleaned the main toilet today (I only use the ensuite one) and there was vomit under the seat! The bathroom sick was disgusting it took me 3 goes to get it clean. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 early night sounds like just the ticket hun! Sounds like a very big day. 

Ewwww whaaaat! Who threw up in your bathroom, and didn't even clean it up? Yuck 😑

[Captain24]

That would be either the house sitter her boyfriend or whoever else was here and stayed. @Jynx I should’ve check the house more than I did. All I wanted was to get my living areas clean so I felt less

violated.