How to initiate a discussion with a partner about delusions

[Pandah]

I have had a relationship of over a year with my current partner.  I have just figured out that she has been having paranoid delusions recently.  She genuinely believes in events/allegations that did not happen.  The allegations are plausible/realistic but not rational.

I have been responding poorly believing she was lying and spreading made up stories about me so I have unfortunately responded in every way that a partner shouldn't.  I have accused her of lying, laughed at the irrational nature of her allegations and tried to explain to her how her lies were obsurb and irrational.  I had no idea she actually believed and felt these things, until today.  We have had many arguments resulting directly and indirectly from this and ultimately she left a few days ago, before I figured this out. 

I care for her and want to try and work through this with her, and ideally get her professional help but I really don't know where to start.

How do you try and tell someone that what they are suffering from delusions?  I don't think I would believe it if someone told me that something I knew to be true didn't happen.

She has been in a bad relationship previously and gaslighting is one of the things I have been alleged to be doing so she is already on guard and likely to interpret any suggestion of delusions as manipulation.

Is it possible to have a rational conversation about having delusions directly or do I need to approach this some other way?

[Former-Member]

Hi @Pandah, just wanted to send you a warm welcome to the forums. It's great to see that you've reached out, and I hope you'll find it to be a supportive and friendly community

What you've described with your partner sounds really tough, and it's a positive step you're taking by getting support to navigate how to approach the conversation with your partner. Are you connected with a GP that you both trust? I've found chatting with a GP helps start the process in accessing professional mental health services. Having that initial conversation with a GP you trust can feel like a weight off your shoulders if you've been carrying this alone. They should also be able to point you in the right direction to approach professional help with your partner, and provide referrals in your local area.

Rhye ☘️

[LizzieLou]

I can empathize with you, I have had similar issues with my husband over many years. I think I was too naive in the past I did not know what to do, he was so sure he was right so he was believed by others who did not know me well, or did not know his diagnosis.  Support groups for carers I don't believe existed, and  of course in a small country town mental illness was not something to talk about.

We moved, and because he had such a good story to tell  the medical people, even psychiatrists would not listen to me. They did not look up his history at the hospital he had attendedin the past, which I believe they could have. After a few years it became evident that he was delusional, and often paranoid, but there are still those that doubt my word. He can be charming , and so convincing, I didn't know  I that what I said would be disbelieved,but it has been a long time clearing my name. I know now I should have been more assertive in earlier years but I was too busy working to support the family. I can only say that talking to the person with delusions does not work, in my partners case they are very fixed, but somehow getting support from a proffessional from the start surely must help. Just don't leave it too long, I have found people like to believe the worst of you, and I have been told everyone tells lies. I have never believed it necessary, so am I odd?

[Pandah]

Thanks.  No doubt a GP would be a good starting point to access support.  We are not in home cities so no doctors with any history.

What I am struggling with is how to have that conversation about acknowedging that there is something to go to the GP about.

[TideisTurning]

Hi there @Pandah, 

Could you please clarify what you mean by 'hurt' in relation to your feelings of guilt? 

Also, just a little forums tip, if you put an @ in front of someone's username to tag them so they get a notification about your response. I'll tag @Former-Member to see your post. 

[Pandah]

@TideisTurning @Former-Member 

Great to see you are on the lookout for indicators of abuse and assault.  In my case I was refering to upsetting my partner.  Sorry, 'hurt' was a poor choice of words.  I have supported several women that have suffered in past abusive relationships including physical abuse and rape.  It is discraceful how many women has suffered at the hands of men.  I would never treat a woman, or any human, that way.

I am human; I have emotions; I say hurtful things in the heat of an argument especially when I am falsely accused a long list of things that never happened.

Unfortunately it would appear that I cannot edit post reply to wordsmith the description of my emotions so I will remove the post.

[wellwellwellnez]

That's interesting. I edit my replies all the time. "Post-options" on the top-right hand side should do it. Ironically, I've never worked out how to delete a post.

Delusions seems pretty prevalent on the forum right now. I suspect the uncertainty of the times has at least something to do with it. That might also be useful to your process re: you're not alone. I tell you what, i am so over the bullshit stage of the communication age. It's doing everyone's heads in. Next stage, please.

[LizzieLou]

Hi Panda,
I would just like to state that I can never really have a conversation with my partner about delusions, they are not delusions to him. The only way is to get him to the doctoer for another reason and then ask him about it with the doctor present. Medication adjustment and the delusion is forgotten again. I realize this is not easy to achieve, but I have learnt that direct approach is useless.