Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

[hiddenite]

Hi Baboo

No support or friends. I have been isolated since I was 17. 

24 years, never allowed to work, he controlled everything.

My parents tell me to toughen up. That they are ashamed of me because I ended up in a MHU.  Called me pathetic.

I'm unlovable, 

Just scared and alone in a world I don't belong in. Waste of space......

[Baboo]

@hiddenite

im wondering if you can see another gp to see if they would say the same thing- did he mean theres no one that can see you this week? Or not at all?

What are you going to do tonight apart from chat to us tonight? i think theres a movie on later around 9 i might put on in the background to watch while im here- and i have a giant pile of washing to fold... but ill avoid that as much as i can.

[hiddenite]

Complex trauma and a safety risk.

Only one might see me in March.

Unable to go to strange places or talk to people, makes it so difficult. Even a phone call is enough to cause extreme anxiety.

I don't know what to do isolated myself in the car. Can't manage anything else.

Anxiety bad makes it hard to breathe, chest pain and shaking. Exhausted

[Baboo]

why do you think a hospital trip is a bad idea again? i just want the best for you while your going through this tonight is all.

 ill still be here to chat any ways- about nearly any thing i think- symptoms to hobbies. Do you have any pets at home?

[hiddenite]

Ended up in MHU in October last year after doing something, I was attacked twice by a patient, passed out because I couldn't get to the communal eating area. No food for three days. Violent men were a trigger, no psych on ward, men trying to chat me up.... They told me they were unable to help the place was triggering, and they don't refer patients. Six days to be told they couldn't help me or refer me to someone.

No dog husband threw him through a window....sorry 

[peace]

@hiddenite is there one thing nice you can acknowledge about yourself? Even if it is a little one?
You don't have to feel good about it.

What about the fact you had the 'balls' to write and connect here? This is what i perceive, a brave human being fighting for life.

[hiddenite]

Just spent an hour being questioned by the CATT team can this day possibly get worse. Had enough, backed into a corner, no options.....so overwhelmed had enough

[hiddenite]

Sorry Peace

Could write pages of negative stuff about me. I don't see anything good. Just believe all the stuff I've been told for so long.

[NikNik]

Hi @hiddenite 

Please allow the CATT team to assist you. You don't have to, and don't deserve to, go through this alone.

While we are all here tonight to help you feel less alone, we aren't a crisis service. The CATT team will be able to assist you for tonight at the very least.

Has the CATT team come to you, or have they called you?

Nik

[Baboo]

May i ask- do you live with any one now? Im wondering if you could go home if you wanted to.

All i can think about is how i wish you could have a cup of tea or a shower to have any little thing make you feel better. Can you go home to any kind of comforts?