Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

[Jacques]

Hello @hiddenite my angel,

just checking in to see if you are alright, how did your appointment go?

Sorry i have been so quiet today, i should have been their for you, i had to sleep this afternoon the medication or depression makes me so sleepy.

i hope you are having a nice dinner with the girls, what are you and the girls doing tonight? 

anyway just really checking in to see you are ok.

take care my friend, my angel

Jacques

[Jacques]

Hello my angel,

how did you sleep or not last night, i didn't sleep well again.

I suppose you are getting the girls ready for school, how are you this morning, remember to keep your essential oils near by and photo's of your girls, it is sunny on and off here today, very cold, have to go to town today, so i will have a headache and bad panic attacks comming this afternoon.

Karen i am looking around online for any help that may help you, i will post anything i find.  may help, worth a try.

well my angel stay safe, you know the numbers, i will be online on and off today so feel free to post to me, remember i am their holding your hand, you are stronger than you know Karen, i believe in you.

[Jacques]

Good morning my angel,

i am just checking in, i was really worried about you last night, i am still worried about you, try not to focus on the report and focus on the girls.  go to the park or something with them today, dance and sing and have fun with them.  it will help you all.

[hiddenite]

Hi J

Thanks for the support.

Hope you get some time in the garden.

[Jacques]

Hello my angel,

well it is another day, a sunny day where i am, just had breakfast, and still tired from yesterday, well tired from the MI symptoms really.

well i managed to have a fight with myself last night, i woke up this morning with no blankets again, i don't know why i hat myself so much, but it is getting frustrating waking up cold and shivering.

i woke up this morning to the sound of the rooster crowing at 5:30am, sometimes i think he would make a great sunday roast!!!!!!!!

how did you go last night? are you starting to calm down a bit? how are the girls? i bet they are worried about you, the same as me.

well i suppose that is all i have for this morning, i hope the day treats you well, i will be on and off all day if you want to talk.

take care, be safe my angel

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques

You've been so busy. It's no wonder you are tired. Especially when you are unable to get a peaceful night sleep. It sure affects you emotions when sleep is so traumatic.

My anxiety is still really bad. I wish it would stop.

I ddon't know why I bother trying to sleep it's just as traumatic as the days.

It is freezing cold and cloudy here.

I hope you have a good day in the garden.

Karen

[Jacques]

Hi My Angel, yes it will take some time for you to emotinally proccess the past few days, have you called lifeline or another councilling service, to talk about what has happened the past few days, try to get some new perspectives on what the report says and how to interpret the report?

Remember you may have lost the battle over the past few days but you are winning the war on your anxiety and depression, try to look at the bigger picture, the girls are healthy mostly happy and love you so much, remember the report is a broad overview of the situation, this can be changed with good professional help, your girls do not have to live with anxiety and depression if you get them treatment early, many young people have great success with treatment, and with new advances all the time i am sure they will not have to go through what you and i have.

yes i have the same thoughts re. sleep, i am so tired all the time but can't get quality sleep, the panic attacks seem to be getting worse of a night and of an afternoon when i try to sleep, it is almost like the thought of sleep makes me anxious now, i know you understand.

Karen please talk to me if you need to vent or get things off your chest, you will nto upset me, and it might do some good talking about it.

from the description you have been giving me of the 2 girls, i can see the problems described in the report are not as bad as they look on paper, you are a good mother even if you dont see it now, in time you will see 2 sucessful women that you will be proud to call your girls.

be kind to yourself

jacques

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques

I ended up ringing lifeline and the wanted to ring an ambulance. That just scared me more and made the anxiety worse. I'm sick and tired of people wanting me back in the mhu.
when I go they tell me it causes me to deteriorate further.
There are no solutions for me.

The report is also being sent to the girls school I won't be able to go there any more.
So ashamed and humiliated.

Small country town they will all no what I have done.
karen

[Former-Member]

Hi Karen,

Your posts scare me a little bit, i feel as though you are talking yourself into something and I feel so helpless... Please try to remember that when we're so unwell our thoughts and perspectives only let us see the negative and bad things.. our minds really do lie to us. I know how scared you are of the MHU but if lifeline wanted you to call an ambulance they must have been quite afraid that things were quite serious. I know you have little trust of mental health people but i believe that they do want to make sure that you are around for you girls, please stay safe,

LJ

[Former-Member]

Hi Karen,

I hope you can see how cared for you are here and that people are worried about you. I can see and read how challenging this time is right now and yet we know you to be a survivor. Can you let us know you are safe today here? Can we help here by perhaps focusing on things that may distract you from the distress….What can we focus on that could help.....

Also to let you know we’ve been in email contact too to touch base.