Dark thoughts scaring me.

[Former-Member]

@Tigga321wow that is a long time to wait especially with how you are feeling. I can relate to the hurting wearing you down and struggling to last that long.

Please keep reaching out on here for support. There are some more social threads also where you can find support. If you want to tag someone just put a @ in front of their name.

As I said before, I find 1800 respect good and also the SANE helpline. It will be a bit quieter around here atm with xmas.

[Tigga321]

Hi,

I cried myself to sleep last night at least I got a couple of hours. My brother who sexually assaulted me from 12-15 is he suffering like me. No..my hubby passed away 4 years ago is he suffering for doing what he done to me..No...I'm left holding all the hurt and pain. It's so unfair.😢

[Faith-and-Hope]

It is totally unfair @Tigga321 ......

I am so sorry to hear you are suffering so badly.

This is not my area of life experience, but there are many other people here with a similar life story to your own who are here because they are suffering intensely also. Sometimes it can help to hear someone else say, “I have been where you have ...... I feel your pain from the inside”.

We can walk along with you, sit with you, hear you, comfort you. If you are in need of support or crisis services, we can help you find them. We can help distract you during the worst days, and we can offer you cyber friendship ...... in this regard you are far from alone here .......

💐💕

[Tigga321]

Thank you so much, 

I am sorry, I don't mean to be an annoyance, it's just that, I my parents and brother were so mean and treated me like I was there personal maid, I eloped at 18 to get away from them, my brother was still trying to sexually abuse me.  The man I married was worse he used to yell, hit, call me every imaginable thing. he even brought men home for his so called "fun". I was stuck I had no where to go, hubby had this hold over me, I am stupid, I'm useless at living, you see hubby never let me out of his sight, when I needed to shop, he always came, he made me wear what he wanted me to wear, he had total control of my life. Now he is gone I don't know how to live, even if I want to any more,  I'm sick of my horrid life constantly bombarding my thoughts, I need some peace.

[candycane]

Hi there @Tigga321 welcome to SANE. It looks like you are having a difficult time at the moment. I will send you a quick email to follow up.

[Tigga321]

Thank you. No email came through, but that's okay, These memories will be with me forever, I understand that, I just can't accept it that's ll. I held it all in for years from 13- 59..then something triggered me, I don't know what it was, but now 3 years I don't  go outside my house anymore, people scare me, I can't talk to anyone they frighten me,  I've been diagnosed with major anxiety/ depression/ ptds.. I have seen physiatrist once, physologist four times, they don't seem to helping, 

[Faith-and-Hope]

You are not an annoyance at all @Tigga321 ..... we don’t choose our circumstances, and it can be extremely difficult to make good choices within them ..... or beyond them, as you say ....

[LouLouMagoo]

Hey @Tigga321 double check your spam folder as it might have been sent there. 

It's great to hear that you are linked in with supports, remember only four session with your psychologist is still pretty early days. Give it a bit of time and be honest with them about your expectations of therapy 🙂 

[Tigga321]

Hello,

So angry with me that I could let this happen, I held me together with so much violence now I'm on my own I can't hold me together, I don't understand why I am so useless, It's my brain yet it doesn't belong to me. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

I understand @Tigga321. We have had rages and rampages from my husband, but now we are u der investigation by an mi team, and he has been cuffed for b big too controlling, I am experiencing a backwash of tearful days ..... this is my third in a month ...... just streaming tears. I think once the danger passes and we can put down the shields, we have an inner crumbling happening for a while ......

I expect this is the next stage for you ..... where all the pent up distress is emerging and rocking your world again, this time from the inside out ...... but stages and phases pass, particularly with support to process them. Please keep on with your therapists.

I went to a psychologist seeking help with my husband, asking who he could send m to for an intervention ...... there was no-one I could go to because my husband has to either seek help himself, or something has to create an intervention.

Telling the psychologist our story took four months of twice-weekly appointments, and at the end of the day, all he can really do is listen to me cry, or support me through the process if I chose to leave.

To find your equilibrium again, you need support to process what you have been through.