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Contamination thoughts
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27 Sep 2024 08:48 PM
27 Sep 2024 08:48 PM
Re: Contamination thoughts
Oh! You have two younger siblings! I learnt something new @creative_writer
Do your parents treat them any differently to you?
Do you think they are struggling too?
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27 Sep 2024 08:59 PM
27 Sep 2024 08:59 PM
Re: Contamination thoughts
I’m sure my sister has struggles with her own anxiety and depressive symptoms. But I do feel like I’m the messed up one
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27 Sep 2024 09:05 PM
27 Sep 2024 09:05 PM
Re: Contamination thoughts
Absolutely! I can totally relate. My parents didn't have 'bad' intentions, yet the way I was raised really affected me. That is, the late of emotional security, not being able to express myself. I can relate to much of what you have shared.
Yet I have never blamed them for anything because I know they did their best.
Feeling you are 'messed up' is pretty harsh. We all have challenges, but I wonder how you can be supported to look past seeing yourself and 'wrong' or 'faulty' and working towards embracing your strengths and all the things you CAN do? @creative_writer
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27 Sep 2024 09:28 PM - edited 27 Sep 2024 09:29 PM
27 Sep 2024 09:28 PM - edited 27 Sep 2024 09:29 PM
Re: Contamination thoughts
@tyme emotional neglect is still neglect, even if it’s unintentional. It’s very common when you have a parent with mental illness. I reckon there is intergenerational trauma. I don’t think my mum really got her needs met through granny, probably was emotionally parentified.
I think right now it’s hard to see things clearly. It’s been a very rough day. I also feel once things slow down in my mind, it’ll be easier to use the rational part of the brain. I just don’t think I’m in the right mindset to embrace my strengths at this moment in time.
I do find things feel so much worse when agitated, everything comes out, trauma, urges to be self-destructive and I also buy things I don’t need. I also considered using “X” today in order to cope but didn’t. I just hope the agitation will be lifted by tomorrow morning
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27 Sep 2024 09:38 PM
27 Sep 2024 09:38 PM
Re: Contamination thoughts
Totally hearing you @creative_writer .
It took me a LONG time to see that my BPD is most likely a result of my upbringing. It was hard to accept this because like I said, it was not intentional - yet it impacted me.
It hurts when I think about it. The fact that they too, probably didn't have their needs met either.
At the same time, it reminds me that I need to be emotionally available to my nieces and nephews.
I hope things improve for you tomorrow. Please rest up and take it easy.
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28 Sep 2024 03:48 PM
28 Sep 2024 03:48 PM
Re: Contamination thoughts
It does hurt thinking parents did not get their needs met. My grandparents saw war, my granny was scared for her life.
I hope the weekend goes okay for you
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28 Sep 2024 03:58 PM
28 Sep 2024 03:58 PM
Re: Contamination thoughts
Totally @creative_writer .
There are strong links between BPD and CPTSD. There was a time (maybe even now) that they wanted to rename BPD to CPTSD.
Who knows what will come of that?
And yes, I agree that it is demonised, but totally treatable.
Hope you can get out in the sunshine a bit before the sun goes down. I'm sitting in the sun at the moment. It's so lovely here.
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28 Sep 2024 05:34 PM
28 Sep 2024 05:34 PM
Re: Contamination thoughts
If I had a magic wand I would change things, I hate how much stigma remains. I wouldn’t want anyone to have to go through that when they are already very vulnerable.
Sunshine was lovely. I didn’t get out as of yet, I was doing stuff for uni. I got some natural light into my room ☀️
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29 Sep 2024 05:16 PM
29 Sep 2024 05:16 PM
Re: Contamination thoughts
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29 Sep 2024 06:43 PM
29 Sep 2024 06:43 PM
Re: Contamination thoughts
How was your Sunday?
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