Contamination thoughts

[tyme]

Hey @creative_writer ,

This seems to be ongoing... for a fair bit of time now. 

Have you sought second opinions about your current health etc?

It's hard to see you struggling so much, day in, day out. 

[creative_writer]

@tyme that actually reminds me. I am due for a check up, I sort of skipped my period and it’s never this late. I should have started 2 weeks ago. No idea what’s happening. I’ve been cramping for a few days, it was pretty bad earlier today. I don’t know if I’ve just been so stressed or whether my body is out of whack

[tyme]

Hormones... @creative_writer 

I get migraines, agitation, etc... definitely worth checking it out.

Hugs @creative_writer 

[creative_writer]

@tyme just looking at the wait times for seeing a GP. Looks like there is a wait 😔. Better to get an appointment late than never

[creative_writer]

If I place the shame back into your hands.
How do I feel safe and in control of my life?

I can't keep waiting for an apology that I'll never receive,
The anger running in my veins is poisoning me.
I wish I knew how I could forgive you,
The pain still feels so raw even though it's been so long.

[Ru-bee]

Thank you for sharing this @creative_writer 

I'm hearing the hurt and the rawness of these emotions, even if it's in relation to something that happened some time ago. How are you feeling after writing these words down?

[creative_writer]

@Ru-bee I feel very anxious today and have been on edge lately. Writing it out did help me understand what was going in my mind. I think I've spent so long trying to run away from the pain since I learned to sweep things under the rug. People tell you to stay busy, hide behind fake positivity and not think about the pain. Writing meant I had to sit the emotions and process them, which wasn't easy

[Ru-bee]

Yeah, sitting with those really difficult emotions can be so uncomfortable @creative_writer but if we're able to work out how to do it in a safe way it can be a really powerful tool and can help us to process them 

[creative_writer]

@Ru-bee it is true the only way through is to process our emotions in a safe way. One of the reasons why I stopped talking to certain friends about my emotions is because I used to feel this pressure that I must stay busy and distract myself constantly. It would feed into some of the beliefs I already have about avoiding emotions. I also see this avoidant behaviour playing out in family. Also feeling pressure to have to talk to family is hard, I get some people can talk to their family, but I don’t really find it to be helpful. There is this hyperfocus on wanting to fix things in society

[Ru-bee]

Yeah I hear you @creative_writer I think in society there's this idea that we need to keep things positive all the time and not acknowledge the more challenging emotions. Reminds me of how people started talking about toxic positivity and how unhelpful that actually is to us.

Definitely also resonate with the focus on wanting to fix things. Even just when you go to friends to talk about something and they jump right into fix-it mode and start throwing advice which is absolutely not helpful. I think maybe it's a way to deal with the uncomfortable emotion and feeling like maybe we can logic our way out of it rather than just feel it and sit with it