Contamination thoughts

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I reckon I may have a some addictive tendencies. I know when I’m struggling I often seek out a distraction to feel better, as it helps me escape from the emotions. Though I’ve also had times when I wanted to amplify an elevated mood before.

I think the real trigger is hearing about SA and shame. I think it comes down to feeling impure. Even though I know those thoughts are not rational, it’s hard shaking them off.

Jasmine also smells amazing. Maybe I need to drop in to Priceline and stock up on more lavender sanitiser. It’s so expensive though for what you get.

I didn’t get much done, but it is a start. I was able to attend my classes though. I have a bit of a migraine now, I think I need water and food

[Jynx]

@creative_writer might be a hot take but... I think ALL humans have so-called 'addictive personalities'. I mean it makes sense right, we're wired to be stimulation-seeking but yet now live in an incredibly over-stimulating world.

Aye that would be tough - especially the knowing it's not rational. Something to discuss with psych? I can also imagine that it's not an uncommon response to SA, mayhaps finding someone else with similar experiences could be helpful? Makes me wonder if there's maybe some support groups or something you could check out... food for thought mayhaps.

Hope you got a bevvy and a snacko prompto!! I'm about to go into PGC so won't be able to chat further but mayhaps we shall chat again on weekend! Ciao for now lovely one 💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx though I’ve had times when I felt understimulated too and that’s also excruciating. It is true the world is very stimulating and fast paced. Finding the balance of stimulation can be tricky. I’ve had times when I felt like I had nothing to do, so would reach out to my phone for stimulation.

I can bring it up in my next counselling appointment. I don’t know if support groups would break or help me. It’s hard to predict when one does get triggered easily. I can chew on the idea for now.

I hope you have a lovely evening 💖 and will see you around

[creative_writer]

I’ve been avoiding my emotions for too long, I don’t think I can keep it up

[tyme]

That's tough @creative_writer .... 

Hope you find ways to release some of it here and there so it doesn't boil over.

[creative_writer]

@tyme how do I know my emotional reactions are in the normal range and I’m appropriately reacting to trauma. Having a mental illness is considered “abnormal” by default as it’s a psychopathology. I’m not saying it is abnormal to have a mental illness, but society will view you as having abnormal reactions. I try so hard to act “normal” but it’s hard

[tyme]

Masking is exhausting @creative_writer ... I hear you.

What does 'normal' look like to you?

[creative_writer]

@tyme I don't know, I just want to feel accepted. I feel the only way I can be accepted is by being normal, so my brain tries to understand what this "normal" is 

[creative_writer]

I need an escape

[Jynx]

Hiya @creative_writer here with ya hun. Would some distraction be helpful?