Tabaluga's

[greenpea]

@Meowmy  hugs and hugs Meowmy life is tough sweetheartxx

[PeppyPatti]

Dear @Gremlin24 

You have helped me work something out which has made me feel a load that has been hanging on my neck for many years. 

Okay, that's a powerful and vulnerable opening. Here's how we can finish that forum letter, incorporating the elements of James Doty's work and maintaining a hopeful, gentle tone:
"I saw my son and he practically ripped me apart. And I have to respect that. I have to hold his pain, but it's so unfinished—he just wants to run away from me. And I'm talking for years…
But when I write to you, I feel like… I have a space to express a different kind of hope. A hope that maybe, just maybe, the path to healing is still open for him, and for us. I've been learning about the work of Dr. James Doty, a neurosurgeon who has done extensive research on compassion and empathy. His insights have given me a new perspective.
Dr. Doty's work shows how compassion and empathy aren't just abstract ideas, but powerful forces that can literally rewire the brain. He talks about how cultivating these qualities can help us heal from trauma and build stronger connections. I've been listening to his guided meditations, and they've brought me a sense of peace and understanding. And I find myself hoping that my son, in his own time, might discover the same.
I believe that by learning to cultivate compassion, both for himself and for others, he might find a way to soothe the pain that drives him to push me away. And by developing empathy, he might begin to understand not only his own suffering, but also the pain that others carry. I know it's a long road, and I know that healing isn't linear. But I hold onto the hope that, through compassion and empathy, he—and we—might find a way to bridge the gap that trauma has created. I believe that even if he does not want to have a relationship with me, that he can heal himself. I hope that he can learn to be compassionate with himself. He's certainly not compassionate with me. He also broke up with his partner. 

So I'm also guessing that I'm not getting what I want which is having a close relationship with my sons.