Send 'smooth-sailing' sentiments to Spirit_Healer!

[rav3n]

the painting is so beautiful!! @Spirit_Healer 

[Healandlove]

@Spirit_Healer hi lovely, I'm proud of you.

As hard as this conversation was it gave you closure and that's the first step towards your healing from this experience.  It sounds like it's best to go separate ways and not stay friends.

Also sounds like there's still a lot of soul searching to be done by your ex but that's not you concern now. You are the focus and your healing.

I hope you did something to look after you after that call. Sending you hugs and love 🥰🫂

[MJG017]

@Spirit_Healer 

What a lovely gift.  I'm sure he will love it, and the thought that goes with it.

[Jynx]

@Spirit_Healer oh my goodness hun thank you for the update!! How are you feeling about it all now that the dust has had a bit more time to settle? 

Gorgeous painting too!! Love!

[Spirit_Healer]

Hey everyone @Jynx @MJG017 @Healandlove @rav3n @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Oaktree @tyme @creative_writer @Ru-bee @PeppyPatti @Blackcloud @Just @Glisten @Clawde!

I have been so busy here in hospital that I haven't really focused much on the conversation with my ex. My thought is I 'set' it and now is the time to 'forget'. I definitely don't want to ruminate any further about what happened, where he is now, or what might have been. He's not going to change enough to become a healthy partner for me, so I'll just leave him be.

The conversation with Dad in the car to and from church is more interesting to tell you all about:

Dad admits he has bipolar affective disorder. However, he wears non-medication as a badge of honour, basically arguing that he is more capable than others who are medicated because he can function without. What he doesn't understand or accept, is that his behaviour is occastionally dangerous to me and others around him, because his non-medication causes him to overstep boundaries/act inappropriately, etc.

The conversation we had in the car was along the lines of this:

Dad: Come and move back in with us (Mum and Dad)

Me: I will not be moving back in, I don't want to get your hopes up.

Dad: I love you dearly

Me: It is your excessive love that causes you to overstep the boundary that I want to set for myself

Dad: How can too much love be a bad thing?

Me: Everything in extremes can be a sin.

(Dad and I are both Christian, which is why I used our faith to put things in perspective.)

Paying too much attention to your diet/food can be a sin, too, as can being too health-conscious, etc. God wants you to do everything in moderation. Excess is a sin because it distracts you from what God wants for you (ie, God's will).

I sensed that this was a major turning point for Dad, both in terms of his faith understanding, and in terms of how he relates to me. I was thankful that we were both in a clear-thinking frame of mind to be receptive to the ebbs and flows of the conversation.

I definitely gave him something to think about!

[tyme]

Good on you @Spirit_Healer . That takes a lot of courage to open up to him like that. And yes, it is true. Even in the Bible, it says that a fruit of the spirit is temperance (self-control)...

From what your dad said, do you think he feels that taking meds is a sign of 'weakness'? And that he is stronger than that?

By you taking a stand, it sounds like he has something to consider. He can lose a lot if he becomes unwell and have a depressive/manic episode.

All the best.

[Oaktree]

@Spirit_Healer 

Good for you stating your boundaries with your Dad and not getting railroaded into something that you really didn’t want to do. I too have bipolar so I know how out of perspective things can get. The person with the bipolar doesn’t see it at the time it is happening. I can’t speak for your Dad but appropriate medication has been a big part of the management of my disorder.

[Jynx]

Oh nice @Spirit_Healer we love to hear it!! I really hope it helps you to turn a corner in your relationship w him!! 

Mad props 😎😋😊💜

[Former-Member]

@Spirit_Healer well done for standing up for yourself and saying how you feel. Having that conversation wouldn't have been easy so you should be very proud of yourself. 

Sending you lots of healing strength and love ❤️ 

[Spirit_Healer]

@tyme I think that he uses medicated/non-medicated status as a way to gauge effective functioning in life and society, which I know is an inaccurate measuring stick. He has always believed that we should all grin and bear suffering without medication, if survivable. He not only thinks this for mental illnesses, but even physical pain.

It's the same notion for taking sick days off work. He asserts that I should grin and bear pain and go to work if I possibly can, without a thought to how going might make me deteriorate and need more days off down the track. He even asserts that taking a 'mental health day' is dishonest and unethical. This opinion is old fashioned, just like my parents.

I don't think that, in himself, he knows what 'well' looks like'. He has been like this, likely for all of his adult life. I don't know any other 'Dad'. He just gets better or worse with the seasons, but he's always struggled with boundaries and appropriateness, especially in interpersonal interactions.

He and we (our immediate family) all know he was depressed a few years ago, when he was being targeted by his bosses at work. It came down to 'performance management meetings', and an official warning meeting and letter, not to contradict the opinion of his immediate boss. This was a very challenging time for him and our family. Unfortunately, because he did not want to pay out of pocket, I found him a terrible bulk-billing psychologist and he has been deterred from any future psychotherapy. He thought that the psychologist's suggestion that he quit work because of the bullying was absurd and totally misguided! He survived in that workplace for another five years or so, until he was finally made redundant in March 2024.

By the way, I gave the beach painting to my psychiatrist this morning. He thanked me several times, saying that the gesture was 'very kind'. I'm so glad! He said that he's going to put it up in his office. I haven't seen any other patients' work displayed there yet.

@Oaktree @Former-Member @Jynx @MJG017 @Shaz51