@outlander - it is ok if it is not coloured. A small little thing for me goes a long way. The fact you are drawing one in the first place already means alot.
Am really confused and in a weird place...my now friend is holidaying but we had a few whatsapp conversations where he enquires and shows concerns and says things like he can teach me how camp (cause that is what I wanna learn in order to go on my own if need be). I couldn't sleep well Sat night and saw him online at 5am which I msged him why he is up and he asked same of me and i told him been having trouble staying asleep and he asked why and being all inquisitive and caring. It makes me miss him so much and miss us a bit. But I know it was the right choice. I was ok with that somewhat til yesterday caught up with a couple guys and well we kissed, nothing more. I don't feel the guilt of it cause I know my now friend and I called things off for the better of me and his mentality.
One of them I kinda knew something was missing so don't think will pursue further. The other who is from tennis well, I know he likes me alot and wants more. He admitted to me when I was still in the relationship in that weird limbo. We were alright hanging out last night with his mates etc and I was having fun and all til he asked if we can talk about us,which I said another day not now. It made me real anxious. It isn't that I don't like him but I worry that will hurt him because I still have those feelings for my Now friend though I know and am happy we are just friends now. There is a part of me as well that feels maybe that my now friend could be the person I meant to be just obviously that won't happen for a while because when we dated i dreamt that we were engaged then later we were preparing for our wedding then later we were newlyweds. I don't even know why I had those dreams. But i know and I won't halt my life and wait for him based on these dreams, these instincts.
I just don't want to hurt the tennis guy but at same time I guess I do like him to see where it could go. I guess am trying to process all this and how to put it to him so that he can make the choice what he is willing. I just hurt knowing that there could be a possibility of hurting him and the fear of hurting him...you know?!
I am feeling really low because of this confusion and feeling really selfish to want to try in potential expense of someone else. And at the same time i feel low for telling my now friend my problems and bothering him with them at 5.30am on a Sunday when he has bigger problems of his own. But my now friend has still shown this care for me.
Sorry for rambling my head is so muddled.
