Life and trauma

[MJG017]

@Former-Member 

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. 🤞

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 i hate that cos 1 hasn't worked that I'm so tempted to take more. 

[MJG017]

@Former-Member 

Give it some time.  Working yourself up will only make it harder to get to sleep.  Just try you best to relax and see how it goes.  If taking more was an option, i'm sure he would have suggested it.  So if it doesn't work, you can talk to him about it when you see him next week and he can maybe prescribe something else for you. 

Not that I want to put extra pressure on you, but being anxious/stressed could reduce it's effectiveness.  It's only the first night of trying it so do whatever you need to do to relax as much as you can.  Easier said than done I know.  And if you start to feel like you want to take some more, remind yourself that it will only make things worse if you do. 

Once you start to fell even a tiny bit of improvement, you'll probably feel encouraged to continue and the progress can snowball very quickly after that.  You can do this!

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 I've just woken up having a full on panic attack again 😞. 

[MJG017]

@Former-Member 

I just woke up and saw your message... as you do.  Im sorry the panic attacks are still happening.  Did you at least get some extra sleep before this one?

Maybe if you keep a record of them, the time, duration, severity etc, you could give that to the doctor next week and it may help him to decide on the next course of action.

As for right now, just try to breathe and see if you can get some control back.  And try to keep in mind that recovery is going to take a while so this isnt a failure, but just a sign of the severity of these attacks.  Sadly, that probably means there's no quick fix.  But this in no way means you cant recover, rather you are just at the early stages of the process.  Think of how much support you have now compared to 6 months ago, a month ago, even a week ago.  It is probably hard to see right now, but you are on the right track and you are making progress.  Were you posting messages to other people trying to help them before?  As someone from the outside looking in, i see a lot of progress, strength, and someone who anyone would be lucky to have support them.  I also see the frustration and the exhaustion you are experiencing and im not trying to dismiss that at all, but rather just remind you of the positives you've achieved so that you can think of them as well and use them to keep fighting and keep making that progress.

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 I'm over this though. I no sooner dozed off to sleep and I'm awake again with another one. I've been writing down when they are happening and how long they are lasting. The one just before lasted just over an hour i woke up at 12.35am and was awake until 1.50am then dozed off and now I'm awake again. 

No i wasn't reaching out for support back then but I was just plodding along with no major issues arising. This is beyond a joke and it really is pushing me to my limits. The fact that I broke down yesterday at the doctors is proof of that cos i don't usually get emotional, let alone in front of someone. I even started telling my doctor of traumas that happened when I was growing up, things that I thought didn't have an impact on me anymore. 

I'm sick of fighting myself, sick of being so tired but not being able to rest and yes right now I'm sick of being alive! 

I can't see a way through this right now no matter how hard I try. 

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 i knew this was going to happen 😞

[MJG017]

Hey @Former-Member  Sorry it was another difficult night without much improvement.  I know how completely disheartening it must feel.  Unfortunately the health system can move glacially a lot of the time.  But there is a way out, just unfortunately, it's going to take some time.

Take the drug again tonight and see if it is more effective.  It may take some time.  And you don't want to see him next week and he says to keep trying because you only took in once or twice.  You definitely don't want to waste even more time.  It seems like you really just need to get the anxiety and panic attacks sorted out.  It feels like the sleep will follow pretty quickly if you can get a handle on those.  Do you  see it the same?

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 i just don't know anymore. I'm sorry

[MJG017]

@Former-Member 

Thats okay.  I know it a lot to try to find answers for.