Far and Away

[Owlunar]

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

That is a weird thing to look forward to - but you can have some peace and quiet then

As long as the Baby Dragons are able to control themselves for the duration

btw - how is S1 managing right now - and D3 - I don't have the whole clutch together yet but I have read that those two keep spitting the dummy from time to time - which is probably not the best way to describe it - but I guess WH affects them as well

In fact I am sure of it

Dec

[Faith-and-Hope]

S1 is married and living in his own home @Owlunar .... it's S2 who is still at home ..., And yes, the e.d. is a controlling illness, and WH is affecting both S2 and D3 very much, but being young adults they need to develop their own coping strategies. In saying that, I did visit an e.d. counsellor recently who spelled out loud and clear that if things reach a level where we have to leave, it is me who needs to make the call over all of us, despite the kids being adult now.

They are old enough to leave home of their own accord to independent living, but while they are low on life skills owing to WH's illness and travel n such impeding their life skill lessons, and suffering situational depression, this would not work out well ..... especially as, from a cultural perspective, the expectation is that they will lead independent adult lives from the family home until they either marry, or develop career independence to a level where it is more appropriate for them to be living elsewhere, like interstate ..... leaving ahead of this milestone indicates, quite publicly, that the relationships are dysfunctional, and this is something WH wouldn't comprehend .... and would take sever offence to, creating enormous new strife.

Things were up and down while we were over east just now, but ended on the up, and S2 has made the commitment to see a uni counsellor as a part of getting his feet back under him and stabilising in terms of his uninattendance. The dr thinks getting his Vit D levels off the floor will help him recover from his social anxiety, but I don't think he has spelled out to the dr how bad it actually is ..... trusting to the process here, cos the Uni counsellor might recommend a psychologist yet .....

WH is still travelling away more than he is taking us with him, so within the mix I am sure things will progressively work themselves out, especially as the illness if physically progressive and, I believe, on the border of becoming obvious.

[Owlunar]

Ouch @Faith-and-Hope

That really sounds as if you are between a hard rock and a rocky place - how do you do it

I understand about your background and how public it will become if you leave and take the kids with you - even though they are adults - but hey - is the relationship already dysfunctional?

Does WH not understand this - I mean - not obviously - but somewhere inside him? I guess he thinks he can control everyone and I hope the problem will become public and you will get a dx for him soon - I have known you for over a year now and followed this story and think how hard it is on your kids - particularly S2 and D3

But you have to do things when you are ready - I already know this - the first time I left my husband I was not prepared and went back because I needed his help with the kids - when things finally broke down I had prepared myself in all sorts of ways - mostly financially - it's not easy

All the best with that Faith - btw - I remember before you went overseas that WH had vision problems than still went on when you were away - how is this now? Still a problem?

I really hope and pray it works out soon

Dec

[Faith-and-Hope]

The problem with WH's eye is a vitreous detachment, which he says is repairing itself slowly .... so yes, it's still there.

There are a few very serious impediments to us leaving @Owlunar ..., The first and most important one is how much we still love him, and understanding that he is ill, means that we would be leaving him alone in his illness, and leaving because he is ill, not because we had stopped loving or respecting him. The kids are absolutely on that page, and downplaying the seriousness of what we are dealing with as much as they can, for their own ability to cope.

Secondly, AN has a very high mortality rate, and large percentage of that is owing to si .... once the repercussions and / or reality of WH's illness becomes apparent to him, we don't know how he will cope if the dx and appropriate supports are not in place .... and even if they are. A very public shaming would not help one iota in terms of keeping him safe .... quite the opposite in fact.

AN is an illness about control issues rather than food. It has just channeled itself into food issues as a means of expressing itself and its need for control. As such, WH has control of our finances and possessions, and has cameras and phone tracking in place. He could shit down accounts in the blink of an eye, and would know within a short time if there were any major changes to our living arrangements or general movements. It would take a military-type effort to create the circumstances where we could leave without major drama and trauma, and there would be no putting any of it back together once his illness was diagnosed.

We have all our money on this working out on the path we are on, or needing to ditch if it went really wonly and seek crisis support.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Alleluia ..... ❣🎈💕

💃 🌐 🎶 💃 🌐 🎶 💃 🌐 🎶 .... ‼️. (Happy Dance)

WH has been talking for the last couple of weeks about selling off a couple of his mid-life-crisis cars that we had extended the garage for when we moved here .... and the space he has given up he has just offered to me as studio space ..... 😄

Crying happy tears ......

Can't paint there in oils, so that will still need to be in the space outside our room for ventilation, but the kids are painting in acrylics and D3 has old furniture in her room that she wants to be rid of that will serve perfectly as studio storage !!

❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Don't know what happened, but not questioning it ......

[Owlunar]

It all sounds terribly complicated @Faith-and-Hope and I know all of you love WH and he does have a  serious illness - only he doesn't know it

It really does sound as if he is controlling everything - which is about the illness - and the food is the outward and obvious sign - it's obvious that he doesn't realise this

I saw part of a programme on OCD last night - they have great programmes on Sunday night and I often record them to watch during the week - MI really controls people in ways most of us don't understand - or I don't understand really - I guess I am learning a lot here

It's great you will have some space for a funeral - yes - that is good - but what does it mean

Thinking of you Faith

Dec

[Faith-and-Hope]

Did you mean studio @Owlunar .... ?

[Former-Member]

That's great news @Faith-and-Hope 😀👍💜
You really deserve something good to happen.
Not many would cope with the stressful situation that you are in.
You are an amazing lady.

Let's hope that the cars sell very quickly.

Good that WH works away alot. Sounds like you really need some "space". 💪👍

[Faith-and-Hope]

Still feeling teary @Former-Member .... it hasn't felt like my own home very much with all this chaos circulating and lack of personal studio space. As a part of having D3 working for us, WH has given her the task of cleaning up the home office she will be working in, which is a task I have been unable to face, and this studio space will now take up a lot of what has been junked around as clutter that belongs in good order in there, and the furniture is old MIL cast-off furniture that is substantial and will look very attractive as studio furniture ..... to her horror perhaps .... but it will be to my delight to fill it with art gear and cozy into a studio space ..,,, and it's all right here - just needs moving into place. .... ❣

[Former-Member]

Big hugs for being teary @Faith-and-Hope 💟💕
You have very good reason to be teary.
When I read how much you have to cope with (WH and family) and then all rhe travelling on top of it all, I think, oh my gosh! How do you do it?
I'm glad you have sorted ways of coping, going for coffee, massages etc, you really need to do things for yourself amongst it all.

Big jobs for you ahead, helping D3 tidy the office and sorting your studio.
A step at a time. 💪
Wish I could help you. 💟