Best Friends Club

[Arbie_wun]

@holdinghope5 I do play a few computer games - usually like Age of Empires which requires one to keep the brain active and focused on the tasks at hand.  

[Arbie_wun]

There is a feel good tune for everyone!

[Cryonal27]

@Shaz51 

Hi Shaz, a simple couple of patties and relishes by Beerenbergs. Super yum! 😄

We have two parrots, a male eclectus and a female blue-fronted amazon who are really just flighted, feathered toddlers that never grow up! How about yourself?

[PeppyPatti]

Now I'm getting a sense of you 

@Arbie_wun 

Too loving. 

what does this mean ? 

I'm mindful that finding support is about having a safe space to be vulnerable, to be able to be authentic and be you. Maybe, For someone to see you being completely you. 

This is  exactly me and as I write to you I am presently on therapy struggling with this term. ." too loving ' 

I look and listen to on audible and take on the insights of Terry Real,  a couple's  therapist  and James Doty a neurologist; 

 Terry Real, a family therapist in Boston, USA, speaks    about speaking of your issues with whoever ........... even when met with resistance.

How to you do this ? Get support from friends, loved ones, or a therapist for yourself.

This is where I believe you -- and me go wrong. 

We don't do the support thing. .once it took me 2-4 years to tell my therapist that I budget but she spent years being like a mother speaking to her daughter how to budget. 

So i spent 2-4 years rolling my eyes when I left her session and she wrote her notes that I can't budget. 

But then - I didn't tell her why I have no money because I was so stressed out being in a marriage with a diagnosed  schizophrenic I was paying all the bills myself. 

So I refused practical support for being married to a person suffering a MI life I stopped talk from seeing my therapist every bloody time I saw her wasting both of our time her treating me like her daughter. Then ide leave rolling my eyes and wasting my money and her time.....

Being influenced on the work of neurosurgeon James Doty, he writes that rewiring your own brain can change you. 

He suggests to 

think compassionate and think empathy. James Doty writes that this will kickstart manifestation about what you get  in your life. :

.

Why was I just loving to me and told my therapist I was paying all the bills and that's why I had no money. That i was budgeting ? We are talking years here. 

Why wasn't I caring to me so I could really dig into changing my life and being free from my pathologies ? 

Why didn't I get support, get someone over to take him out for a few hours and I could have gotten emotional strength by getting a break ? Instead I wasted our time by not telling the truth and kicking back and listening to my therapist for hours talking together about budgeting.  I was exhausted those days. 

..........

[Arbie_wun]

@PeppyPatti I have always been one who cares... probably too much and it has resulted in me getting hurt a fair bit.  I think it has also caused the development of a few unhealthy traits which are only evident when I am highly stressed and full of anxiety etc.  

That side of me is far more self-oriented and can be manipulative and dishonest.  The total opposite to how I was raised, I was lucky because a lot of my good stuff was taught to me by my grandmother.  She was a hard task master, but she was always honest and forthright.  I know that she would be totally appalled by the 'other side of me' as her teachings were of respect and honour.  

I know that I would have been given the biggest spanking as a child if I was disrespectful and rude to anyone.  I guess in a way sometimes I am mentally punishing myself because I know the difference between right and wrong and I failed those teachings.  I know that all I can do is work hard to improve myself and try my best to eliminate that bad side of me.  That side would have me in so much trouble if I don't get control of it now.

[Appleblossom]

@PeppyPattiHey Bella. 

 @Arbie_wun  @Cryonal27 Welcome. I don’t think I have met you before….

@Oaktree @Shaz51 @holdinghope5 @tyme and all

it has been since 5 January since I have been on the forums.  my son went into hospital then, came home yesterday, but I am still utterly exhausted. I can’t help him no matter what I try. He was very beautiful though and wanted me to stick with my plan as I was also in groups so my withdrawal would have had roll on effects, I was away to a music festival which had hurdles and wins and was very busy and 24 hours train travel each way.

and news… we have a new kitten who is very cute…

It was good to get your tags….reading along…. Or just doing your thing supporting community.

Apple

[Arbie_wun]

@Appleblossom 

I can't remember if we have met or not, as this is my second foray here.  I think I was a little scared and uncertain during my first time here.  I think partly because of the confusion caused by a medication issue (which I can honestly say is no longer a problem or a part of my life)

[Cryonal27]

@Appleblossom Hello! First time poster, occasional visitor. Glad to meet you and hope all is improving on your side.

[PeppyPatti]

Wow

So much wonderful information but may I begin to do something @Appleblossom and I spent MONTHS 

Doing - she will agree in that we began .,. After a verry long time 

To forgive ourselves. 

Ide not worry about the  ......sounding like you have perhaps lied in the past ? 

 Vulnerable people like uss can be so hard on ourselves. 

@holdinghope5 @Appleblossom @Arbie_wun @Gremlin24 

[Appleblossom]

@Arbie_wun 

glad you have sorted the medication issue. We do need to celebrate things that go well.

@Cryonal27 hope you get good benefits from being here 

@PeppyPatti 

not sure….

yes to forgiving self and others… never ending 

not sure about lies… or why you say that…

remember my crazy complex childhood? So stressed and traumatised. These days I don’t even know if being made to call myself after different foster parents names was a lack of authenticity.

I have masked a lot… more like having to cover up my pain and uncertainty and get on with looking after others.

done a lot of mea culpas… then realised it wasn’t normal what I went through….