Art for Healing

[TAB]

Thanks for the tag @starr 

Hi @StanD 

Nite

[StanD]

Yo @TAB been thinking of you today & had toes crossed that procedure was  positive and drs & nurses give you best care. Wishing u a sturdy recovery.

❤️🏆

My day was very solitary. It annoyed me & made me stronger. 

Hope you are having good rest. Take it easy buddy🐻

[StanD]

@starr I get so angry because I cannot function like I was / am.

I will do it. I am going to be me as far as I can. I don't care about fear anymore. Fear made sad. 

I can be me. All I have to do is let go. I am ashamed & humiliated. They are my old stories. 

I don't know if I can do it. I have never done it before. I want to be me. That's all.

@Shaz51 @Appleblossom 

I am so f$$ing scared. I don't know why. I am good person. I am afraid of being laughed at. I am afraid of not having control xx

[TAB]

@StanD   yes, am still here lol 😆

[Appleblossom]

@StanD 

I sense that a lot of anger in people like you and I who were abandoned in early childhood hood with significant attachment wounds… is partly our LIFE FORCE. A form of our strength… that… fear interfered with at the deepest levels… anger is the over correcting… beneath fear and anger is the place I aim for…. In meditation and my music… 

authenticity… is rarely fixed or solid

love

you being you 

[StanD]

Oh @TAB you are always a s/a.... I'm happy you are still here.

[StanD]

Thankyou so much @Appleblossom You can read my soul. It's deeply reassuring. I like the release of self imposed pressure, to ALWAYS be this perfect ideal of myself.

I know I feel best when I am authentic & genuine with myself - then again, this can be wildly 'soul destroying'. It's all about self care & accepting me as I am right now. *Spoiler - I don't think I do ....... yet,? , perhaps, ?

So much comparing to others

If I only compare to me - I slayed the beast with no more than a mirror.

Yes, anger, amongst potentially abundance of other negative emotions ( not'bad' or 'wrong ' - negative as in they take away from me) is the over correction. 

i.e. because one feels a sense of missing, or lost pieces of oneself - we attempt to 're-gain' (power?) or prevent further loss.

Have I interpreted you correctly?

It's a form of self punishment, the overcorrection.

I think it is brain doing its normal function, a very strong red stop sign, or red light, to bring to our attention, an error has occurred.

Except that, sometimes the brain gets it wrong. And, all I am left with is a big red pile, telling me, it is no longer safe to move.

- or do, or be...

I'm thinking that finding connection to myself is more of unconscious process. It is the moments, it would not occur to me, to seek outside attention. Maybe, making a meal, or wondering what it's like to feel myself breathing ...& then wondering... can this, alone give me pleasure?

I know the answer is yes, (because I have had this experience when taking bad drugs mmkay) obviously I don't want to go down that path (I don't want anything to own me) but, I love to imagine that laying & feeling my breath, is a pleasurable feeling.

Thankyou for your care xx love youxx 

@Shaz51 xx

I hope I haven't says too much, & given away my secret plan for world domination!! 

Man, to live a life where I was mostly in TheZone. 

Is that even possible in today's busy, consumerism society. Trying to maintain security, safety in each new moment?

I don't know the answer.

It is beautiful dream.

I will settle for 80% 

Be great and know how much you all add to my life. Gorgeous, sexy, leaders xx

[Appleblossom]

Dear @StanD 

We are different in some ways but also similar….I was told to express more anger by using a baseball bat on a beanbag…. Way back in the early 1980s… think I have made up for it since.., but still not totally sure what is anger and what is energy… at times it is obvious and at times not… I know I know…. A bit cuckoo…

it’s been a while since I have been on the forums.

 Love 

Apple 

[starr]

@StanD 

Yeh I get that. Fear creates sad feelings. I’ve been in a swamp hole, letting the leaking lurches get to my state of mind.

but I had to step out of town and it did me good. Temporary style! It wasn’t much. But one tick where I felt my old self return. Hadn’t seen her round for a long long long time.

Then yep. I was angry at the lurching leech’s. The irony of life!

[starr]

My uptake is incredibly delayed I’m sorry @TAB @StanD @Appleblossom @Shaz51 

I have been forgetting many things.

Let alone recalling passwords.

I’ve re-created myself in some ways, not a stranger here.

I had to take leave of absence, minus my new existence being late on reply. Another leave of absence of sorts.

So many names thank you I remember you all. 😊 

Life evolves!

I was pondering thought earlier, of which Coldplay’s song might shed light..’ am I part of the cure, or am I part of the disease’..

Of course life can draw many analogies, dependent on which day, which time, environment etc.

Im very tired, signing off..but I made return. 😊