A Poem? Maybe?

[kato]

@Ellie

I am glad to hear that your shoulder has healed, i have had friends who have had shoulder injuries and they can be quite bothersome. I never have had any sort's of sayings told to me, altho i do like one...... it's a tad gimmicky given that it comes from Batman's Dad or his butler possibly both....... it goes Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.

Now i know myself sometimes the learning can take a long time, or it can be fairly quick, but i think if we keep aiming to pick ourselves up we find ourselves not falling so far the next time. I hope that made sense.

Seeing that your psych team signed you off, i guess they might have thought everything was going ok for you? can you maybe get back in touch with them to, re-initiate some support structures?

The public system has also disillusioned myself, having been through some not fun times with them, so i can understand how frustrating it would have been if you were involved as a psych nurse, further training sounds promising tho, it sounds like a good goal to have with cert 4 in training and assessment, i believe that you, having made this decision, has given you that strength to strive for your new goal, and i believe you will attain that certification.

I thank you for seeing these qualities in me, i find myself getting knocked down and i think of the song tub thumpers i think it's called, makes me smile.

This is what i have always liked about this forum, we gather our strength from each other, our drive our inspiration from others who are going through similar, we don't recognise it in ourselves but others see it, because what you see in me is what i see in you.

Please keep me updated on how you are going with things, i will have everything crossed that your course goes well.

Thank You

Kato

[Ellie]

Thank you so much for your kind words Kato.

Unfortunately my psych team basically ignored my concerns. They said I had good supports in place, but the truth is that I do not, a fact that I shared with them. They didn't want to listen! My GP actually rang them off his own bat prior to my last meeting with the team to tell them he wasn't satisfied that they were flicking me. They took no notice.

Strangely enough, if I lived in Melbourne, I'd be taken better care of. I had a life saving experience with Northern Health one night late last year. The wanted to take me in to save me. I had someone staying with me at the time who was prepared to drive me the 100 or so klm to take me there, but it was close to midnight and I simply didn't want to put her to the trouble.

As for the course, I've been told it will be heavy going, but I need to do it in order to do a longer course next year, I have an aim to help others that I'm hoping will come together. If I can get through this first course, then the rest should come more easily. And yes, I will let you know how it all goes.

Off the the bath now. I need to be clean prior to the virtual feast!

Ellie.

[hopeandsupport]

next to poetry is godliness.  sometimes i just imagine there is a god helping me and i feel better.  we are only human.  we are not robots, not yet anyway!

[kato]

Poem?

where did we go so wrong, how could we allow ourselves so much pain

we laughed, we kissed, we held each other tight,

you called me handsome i called you cute,

your smile your laugh, my grin was a better suit

but we turned on each other, pushing those buttons

not knowing or realizing the harm we were doing, no more

we lost each other, the gleam and sheen faded

how could we not see it leaving us, the dream jaded

i thought we were fine

i thought we were ok

i was fooling myself

and you were playing the game

i didn't see it coming, and now it's over

i know it has been awhile but i still have the memories

the moments, the picture of you looking so happy to just see me

i still miss you dearly, i can envision you clearly, but it is changed

never to be the same, forever changed, all over now

My days are filled with trying to keep myself together,

my nights are filled with tears and fears that i will always be broken

i know it not true, i know i am better, stronger, but still cracked

not enough glue in the world to fix my chips and cracks

but i can cover them with my make believes and masks

keep my body fit, keep my mind sane, keep myself busy

try not to get caught up in what i can't control, push myself

get on track, get on the pathway to healing, don't look back

No point,

no pain

no more hurt

no more blame

ok time to finish this with some style

rocking and rolling, pushing myself through the tough times

stepping up and representing, making myself sane

put my mind to what i want and need to achieve

not let my fears and inhibitions get in my way

get out there and start living this life, start making the most

of what i have got and what i can offer

and on that note it's done.

[SimpleAsThis]

A poem.... METHAMPHETAMINE and ME

M - my

E - energetic

T - toxic

H - habit

A - amplifies

M - manic

P - psychotic

H - hatred

E - enslaved

T - to

A - a

M - mere

I - illicit

N - narcotic

E - evermore

[kato]

@SimpleAsThis

very very true, nicely versed and worded, i can relate to this.

Is it the drug that controlled me

or the illness that betrayed me

when one is gone

the other becomes stronger

when both are gone

will i be much better

the path is long

the journey much further

escape to a better fate

a hope to carry always

It, and i think i have said it before that your journey to wellness is similar to mine, i find myself so lost sometimes, and then i come onto the forum and see something relatable and remember that i am not alone in this, it makes me glad that i am here.

[SimpleAsThis]

@kato

Chuffed you can relate and I love how honest your words are...

Thats the question though: Will I be much better? 

[Appleblossom]

Beautiful self recognition and honesty
Thank you

[Appleblossom]

I like the way you quote your son quoting Nietzche as a support.

In some ways N was made out to be a big bad guy, but I found his words far more kind.

[kato]

Hi everyone,

Just thought i would write a quick hello, to everyone here, i have been back at work full time for a couple of weeks now, well sort of, first week was a little broken up but coming up on first full week back, i am finding it really good sometimes, and other times my lovely thought processes start trying to sabotage what i am trying to do. Everyone has been quite welcoming, i am really struggling to wake up in the mornings which i know from talking to my g.p and psychologist is because of what i put myself through last year. Thankfully my parent's have been really supportive and helping me to wake up on time, it just frustrates me sometimes, that i struggle with what i consider plenty of sleep, to wake up on my own.

One thing i have noticed is my stress levels when things don't go to plan skyrocket, so i have been working on ways to alleviate my stress when that happens, but all in all i am doing good.

i haven't been on here very much, basically my job is 8:30 - 6:00 ish 5 days a week, and my day off will be monday so i will have 2 days off in a row to rest up, but seeing that i don't get home till 6:30 most nights, and i go to bed at around 8:30 / 9:00 i don't have much time in the evenings

I just want to thank each and every one of you for your support through my journey and for always being there for me, i am going to try and make time on sundays and mondays to hopefully reciprocate the support back to you all.