self love

[Appleblossom]

Kristin Neff

has a good website re Self Compassion

I really could not make positive affirmations for many years .. had to wrestle with myself a lot .. and mainly it was the buddhist metta meditation ... loving kindness towards all beings

that has been the most helpful .. I could radiate it out .. but still learning how to "forgive" and "love" myself .. without seeming immature but genuine and not narcissistic.

I have been thinking about you @BlueBay ... thinking of all the medical receptionists I have known and it helps me having met you .. to feel more comfortable with them .. I no longer feel poles apart... we all have so many different roles we fulfill .. it is a complicated society .. we need to give ourselves credit for that.

[Former-Member]

hello @BlueBay @Appleblossom @utopia @Zoe7 @Former-Member

This is a very interesting topic.

Those of us who suffer low self-esteem, lack in self love and self compassion feel as though we are different, set apart to others whom in our eyes have it all.

Finding these forums, has confirmed to me that I am not alone, we are not alone, in fact we are in the majority and there are more who dont have a mental illness who have this lack of...................

I have always been extremely good at comforting, reassuring, confidence building towards others. It is something that is inherent in me from since being a little girl. Something that always made me feel different to everyone else.

I have read many books on the subject, had confidence in my work, great people skills, social butterfly on the outer.

I had a period of time where I felt good within myself. I had had years of psychoanalysis and realised one day that i liked myself. It was just there.

Then life circumstances, one after the other and so on and so on. horrible stuff self esteem disappeared, found myself after a series of incidents deep in depression with ptsd and then major anxiety. Then son finally diagnosis situation discussed elsewhere. Have since had twin and mother drama now resolved.

when i joined here i reached out to others and was all over the place. responses were as chaotic as my mind was. I wanted to help every person whose post i read. i felt some of their pain.

Then I started finding posts that i had written accidentally. I didnt remember writing them. I read them and read how I was encouraging others. How I was reassuring others. Telling others how much they mattered, they were valued, loved, so very important and how I was touched by them.

Well I have started to apply some of that to me, yes little me and I finally now realise that I do matter even though I have been told so many times I did not believe it before.

This is only a tiny step forward, at the same time important. So this is how I feel today.

I just wanted to share this with you all. It is never too late. Age doesnt really matter.

[Gilgamesh]

@BlueBay I get what you mean... how can it feel genuine.

I think what your looking for is resilience. And you have that in spades. Ignore the lovey dovey stuff your a survivor.

[utopia]

♥♥ @Former-Member. Wow. That's the way ti do it. See / read the love and compassion you give to others & then start applying it to yourself. One step at a time.
Late last year, I realised I liked myself. It was a wonderful moment. It doesn't matter that some people think I talk too much - I see it as being open and friendly. Some people think that I'm odd or nuts - I see it as me finally being ME!
So well done for these small steps towards recognising that you are perfect just as you are. ★★

[BlueBay]

Thanks @Former-Member for your reply.  I wish I was like you and @utopia.  

Maybe it is going to take time for self love.  Actually do you know what I did today? - I was feeling pretty crap so later in the afternoon I decided I wanted a pedicure and had one done.  I even got the lady to paint my toe nails.  It was so nice sitting there while i was getting my nails done and having a massage with the chair.  OMG it was heaven.  I closed my eyes and thought of the island I was in (my virtual island!!) 🙂

[BlueBay]

Thank you so much @Gilgamesh.  I think I need a lot of practice to learn how to love myself.  I can love my children so much, my friends and hubby but with me - not so much.

And for some reason it doesn't feel right.  I don't know why.

Hope you are doing okay. 🙂

[utopia]

@BlueBay. What you did today - getting the pedicure and 'going' to your island - that is self love. That's acknowledging that you deserve something. Whether it's time out from the crowds - a pedicure - time to relax - it's all self love. One step at a time.

[Former-Member]

I just read an affirmation on app I have..
I am loving and caring.
I liked this. Maybe others will too.
I think this I have to tell myself strongly now.
Something I actually took in later from psychologists notes is that I blamed myself for another's actions.
It wasn't me. But I blamed me. I still can.
It makes no logical sense, but my brain will play tricks to tell me differently.

I wish others well tonight on their own journey.
May we find more light or reason to see hope in every day. As small as it may be..💕

[Former-Member]

reading your words is almost like reading about myself. I am the mad lady and who cares xx

[Arjay]

I find it hard.  Lots of reading, having people to fall on, my hobbies.  That helps.