having a bad morning

[Appleblossom]

so glad you are still here and posted enough to let us know you are ok.  @BlueBay

This time I hope the team can help get to the bottom of things enough to put real supports in place.

Take care

and of course take time out as needed.

[Change123]

@BlueBay can you call your husband to get some support or is that not an option?

I think having a break from the forum can be good, I need to do that a lot on forums as I find I get too involved with other peoples issues and forget to take care of myself.  Then you end up taking on others stress and before you know it MELT DOWN! Just tike some time out for yourself and no one else - bugger the world - ITS ALL ABOUT ME for the next few days!  You deserve to have YOU time and take care of yourself aswell I'm sure your husband can manage the family? Have you got Jersey girl with you - sounds like she may be in need of a break with you - would that work just having her there with you?  I love my Fridays, its the day I dont work as we are on 4 day weeks due to work quietness and my partner usually goes to get stuff he needs so its just me and my boy lounging together watching TV and playing outside - this time together really calms me and keeps me going - just wondering if this sort of time out with Jersey would help as you seem to have the same bond with her that I do with mine.

Please just take care of yourself. 

@Former-Member

Out of curiosity what hospital, I live down south so I went to Noarlunga Hospital.  By the way I didnt even have a message from the mental health commission - looks like if you have BPD they wont listen to us!  YEP no discrimmination there........

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member, @BlueBay, @Change123 and @utopia,

I just wanted to stop by and see how everyone is doing today

@Former-Member, you mentioned some great strategies that could be helpful for @BlueBay and it is good that you have that insight into knowing what works for you.  You mentioned that you are hiding in your car because you are a bit scared of yourself if you go home.  Just wanted to check in with you and see how your doing?

@BlueBay it sounds like you have had quite an emotionally taxing day! It is good to hear that you have a weekend away planned, it can be nice to have something to look forward to.  Taking a bit of a break from the laptop/phone sounds like a good idea, it can help to recharge your batteries and reduce the stress that can often come with being available/contactable 24/7.  Hopefully your GP can get in touch with the CAT psychiatrist soon. Are you able to maybe have a bit of a sleep this afternoon? You sound tired from your post and having some rest may be good for you at the moment.

I also just wanted to remind everyone that the forums are anonymous and a safe space to share your experiences. In order to make this space as safe as possible I wanted to remind everyone that while you can share information about where you receive treatment etc, that you are under no obligation to share this information if you don't feel comfortable and also to be mindful of the type of information that you do give in order to protect your anonymity.

[utopia]

@BlueBay. I knew your gp would understand how hard today has been for you. I'm glad the CAT group called him straight away. I'm sure they will do the same with your psychiatrist.
I'm sending you a comforting hug from me to you. I'm glad you are safe.
I'm here anytime for you. ♥♥♥♥

[BlueBay]

Hi &rockpool @utopia @pip @Appleblossom @Change123 @Decadian @Former-Member
@faithandhope @Shaz51 and anyone else I have forgotten
Thoughts suicude keep recurring. In my mind. Do exhausted. Need to take my new tablet to ease anxiety. CAT team called not too long ago. They were going to call my GP.
they are calling me tomorrow morning and I have to see them next Tuesday morning. I feel I've let so many people down

I'm just exhausted. 😥😥

[utopia]

You've let no one down @BlueBay. You have simply reached out when you have needed help the most.
Take your tablet and see if you can sleep for a while. You sound utterly exhausted.
I'll keep checking in with you.

[Former-Member]

Hi @BlueBay. I always feel the same as you with letting people down but you haven't  . I agree with @utopia entirely, get some rest for now. You've had a huge emotional day. 

@Former-Member I am ok. I've had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (name of a children's book) of everything going wrong all day. I was scared of going home and falling into the same predictable heap and letting the bad thoughts in and win so I've stayed away from home all day finding distractions including getting my eyes tested on the spur of the moment. I'm about to go home. Hopefully the worst is behind me. Thanks for checking in. 

@Change123 That's not the hospital and I do prefer not to say. I have however been admitted to quite a few hospitals in SA(5) and they are all the same from my experiences. The one I go to now has actually treated me the worst and the best in the past but this year I am noticing a great improvement but I think it's because I'm going without acting on urges. I hope this helps. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

@BlueBay .....

You tired everything you have been taught .... and then you recognised that the strategies weren't holding, and you worked hard to secure the help you needed.

You haven't let anybody down. You were true to taking the best care if yourself that you could !!

Well done !!

Rest now, and let the support service take iyou forward from here.

Hugs n hugs .....

💐💜💐

[Appleblossom]

I have a feeling that intrusive SI is partly about situation not just a skills training ... thats my 5 cents worth.  Can anyone on your care team ... have a family session and do some intervention that way? @BlueBay Maybe others are letting you down more than you doing the letting down ... reciprocity needs to be in all relationships.

I have struggled with SI for 30 years now .. I do get better at dealing with it ... but it can still get dicey.... as I have recently posted.

[BlueBay]

Hi guys

Thank you everyone for your support.  @Appleblossom that's a good idea.  Actually when the CAT team clinician called me this afternoon to see how I am, i told him i am scared of going away and feeling suicidal.  He said that i need to talk to hubby and i replied i can't..  he asked why not? i said I haven't spoken to him in that much detail, i don't know why, never have.  He then suggested, ok if I feel suicidal i am to stay close by to my hubby and just mention to him that i don't feel well and just stay with him for a while.

He also said i could call him and gave me his number.  But what you said @Appleblossom in a family intervention is a good idea.  Maybe i can ask the CAT team for help in this one.

I think i will hit the bed very soon, just about to take my medication.  hoping i can get a good night sleep.

I will be around at home tomorrow and i will be on here but i think that on friday when we go camping i will not be on here for a few days until monday night.  pls rest assured that if i am in serious danger i will definitely call my mental health CAT team.  And they can recommend what to do.  I feel i need a few days off the forum, i don't really want to but i think for my own health, i need to be.  I am so exhausted even typing this is a strain.

I don't know why i am so scared in telling hubby about my SH and suicidal thoughts.

Good night my beautiful friends, i will be on here tomorrow morning. xxxxooo