Writing As A Form Of Therapy

[Silenus]

Hello good people...

I have been away from this forum for a bit... I have been suffering with a profound and thankfully short-lived depression (only 3 months... yay...)

The short duration was made up for with how deep and painful a depression it was...

As a special door prize, life then stirred the grey mush of my mind with a very disturbing mixed episode that lasted 3 or 4 days...

It was truly breathtaking... I do not remember its equal...

And yet, here I still am...

I ask myself what normal is, and the abstractness of that concept defies reason... which, by the way, appears to be my normal...

I've been writing a lot... extreme mental suffering like this appears to be great for my art...

I will share some of my poems I have written lately, in the hope that even just a few words are like a candle in the night for just one other person out there who is struggling...

Hugs and happy vibes beaming to you all...

[Silenus]

Thank you @BlueBay and all of you others who still hold a place in your heart for a poor sad clown like me...

It is too exhausting to tag everyone... you all know who you are... hugs hugs hugs...

[Former-Member]

...glad you made it flip side @Silenus...meh Yeh good with the bad..ie. episode but awesome art..
It's always the way.
Beautiful day here...depression ..or more flat, nothing feels like anything is the worst possible existence..
Look forward to read your writings..
😊🎶👍

[Silenus]

Thank you @Former-Member

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hugs @Silenus ..... missed you ..... good to see you 💜

[Silenus]

On Life Goes

I lay here broken and battered, for better or worse,
Still alive, not thumbing for a ride in a hearse;
That counts for a lot, I s'pose,
So on and on and on life goes.

Our lot in life is of our own choosing,
As we live and learn in this existence confusing;
The patterns that define and rule our lives
(The majestic leaps, the tragic dives)...

These patterns...

Do the patterns define us, or do we define the patterns?
Women from Venus, men from Mars...  me? I'm Saturn's.
Sure there's good old biology that we must heed,
And thirst needs quenching sure as hunger needs a feed.

These patterns are necessary and part of the Really Real,
I don't waste energy on fighting it, I just try to deal;
On and on and on, life goes on,
Until the baggage I carry weighs a ton.

As near as I can tell, my life goes to sh!t
Whenever I feel that urge to quit;
When the pain and anguish gets to being too much,
And I'm laying on the ground with a broken crutch.

I lay here broken and battered, for better or worse,
Still alive, not thumbing for a ride in a hearse;
That counts for a lot, I s'pose,
So on and on and on life goes.

However I've done it, I've gotten this far,
Alive and lifting my face to the light of a star;
This wondrous indescribable warming gift,
From obsession with my pain it gives a lift.

No time like the present to experience the present,
I lay here broken and battered, but do not resent;
Still I can look about me and drink in the view,
Open my senses and feast on sensation's stew.

Stay in the moment, the observerless observer,
Feel true joy rather than shallow pleasure's fervour;
Die to your self each moment, in order to truly live,
In gratitude I offer all the thanks I can give.

I lay here broken and battered, for better or worse,
Still alive, not thumbing for a ride in a hearse;
That counts for a lot, I s'pose,
So on and on and on life goes.

[Silenus]

The Memory of Hurt

When we drop a rock into the pond, the ripples play across the surface of the water, going this way and that, forming and reforming as they bounce off the edges…

Hurt is like a rock dropped into a pond, except that we warp and twist it with the world of our thoughts…

We endlessly analyse the rock and the pond and the ripples…

We endlessly analyse our hurt… who has hurt us… how much have they hurt us… all of this measuring and comparing and endless conflict…

In the process, we confuse the hurt for the memory of the hurt, and the ripples keep playing endlessly across the surface of the pond, in contradiction of the natural order of things…

The ripples never end… the hurt never ends…

Where does this end? This is the question you have to answer, in order to still the surface of the pond and return to peace and calmness… return to nature…

Accept that the rock has fallen into the pond…

Observe the ripples…

Marvel that there is a rock and a pond and ripples at all…

Let peace return to the pond as rock and pond return to their natural state, and the ripples calm to mirror-flat…

[Silenus]

Altered State

Altered state don't be late, I badly need reprieve,
Judge me at your own peril and believe what you believe;
I did done things because my mind took me to dark places,
Night or day, it's all the same, haunted by familiar faces.

I smoke the herb and guzzle grog, as if it's going out of style,
Truth be told, without the weed, I'd never crack a smile;
So look at me and judge away, you with your head so straight,
You'd avert your eyes and cross yourself if you tried being demon bait.

So here I am, out and about, seriously out of my mind,
Looking for fragments of sanity increasingly hard to find;
A substance here, a substance there, sometimes I'll abuse,
Much better than the other path, wherein my life I lose.

[Silenus]

This poem deals with the nature of religion... I trust that it will not offend...

The Testing of Usul

Oh verily was Usul tested before the believers would adopt him as their god... they beseeched Usul... "Give us water. Make water appear."... and Usul made it so, and gave them water... the believers nodded thoughtfully, but this was not yet enough for them to adopt Usul as their god... again, they beseeched Usul... "Give us food. Make food appear."... and Usul made it so, and gave them food... the believers were impressed, but still they hungered for something more before they would adopt Usul as their god... yet again, they beseeched Usul... "Give us shelter. Give us plenty. Give us excess. Give us vice. Give us sin. Give us life and give us death. Then give us an escape from it all for Eternity. Then will we make you our God."... and Usul made it so...

[Silenus]

Racism

I saw a man wearing an old-fashioned fedora hat the other day. It didn't hurt me. I was fine. I went on with my life. They went on with theirs. No problems at all... I saw a woman wearing a Muslim hijab head veil the other day. It didn't hurt me. I was fine. I went on with my life. They went on with theirs. No problems at all... And so we see how very easy it is to smash silly racist notions like banning people from wearing a piece of cloth... We are all one human race until we choose to believe otherwise... Once we make that choice, then comes the "us" and "them" and the fear and loathing and the conflict and war... We each have the power to make choices about what we believe and about which reality we invest our life energy in... Sure, you can choose hate and fear like the media and politicians are telling you... Or... you can think for yourself and look at how much your own life is being destroyed by a hatred you have for another person or group of people... All that life energy... devoted to hating Jews or Muslims or Arabs or negroes or (insert arbitrary superficial difference here)... Think about your choices... don't be a sheep and listen to the media and politicians... Look inside your own heart right now, and see if it is made better or worse by a lifetime of fear and hate... Then choose what to put your life energy to...