writing as a form of therapy

[GonePirate]

When I put up these walls I piled stone on stone for years,<br>I laboured in sweat and blood driven by a anguish and tears, <br>I built them brick by brick trying to keep myself safe,<br>A fortress where nothing could get in.. where I could not escape.<br>I thought I was building a safe place for myself that I could hide within,<br>but now im behind the walls I've built I can see I've built a prison.<br>I've built myself in confined behind the stone,<br>Isolated and cut off from the world trapped in here alone.<br>This whole time I thought I was doing the right thing, <br>But I see now these actions have come back to bite me,<br>I'm the jailed and the jailer I built my own cell.<br>I put up these foolish walls,<br>And trapped myself in hell.<br>Boxed my self in with these feelings, locked myself up in despair <br>Cut off from the outside world and pretended I didn't care.

[Shaz51]

Heyyyyy hello @GonePirate 👋😀👍

Hello @Silenus , @Meowmy , @UprightRabbit , @Former-Member 

[StuF]

@Shaz51  because you made the last post in this thread 🙂

(Wanted to bring it to @MDT attention too, given your interest in dating...a bit tangential to this, but anyway)

Wanting to share my latest poem. Sharing it here first! As yet untitled...

I've got my world on inside out

I want to sing but only sigh

Certainties succumb to doubts

And all my truths decay to lies

Milking spiders for the answers

To questions I have yet to ask

Rarely so brave to take the chances

That involve shedding this mask

With a perpetual sense of dread

Whilst flailing in a blinding fog...

Still, if I survive this night

Perhaps tomorrow I'll find you

I imagine you bathed in light

A vision splendid for tired eyes

You resurrect my will to fight

But now I know why Cupid cries

The tears rolling down his cheeks

Do not well only from sadness

Rather, the life in love he seeks

Brings with it the ultimate madness

[MDT]

This is awesome @StuF

I love it

You've captured the mot juste

[StuF]

Thanks @MDT 

Appreciate the feedback- by the time I finish writing the poems and share them, I have a love hate relationship with them.

[MDT]

I was just on a dating app before.
Its just such a fascinating thing to look at how people present themselves.
Do I need to find success in hook up culture?
Well anyone can of they try. But I have always not tried. Not because I'm shy but because I don't see value in it. One profile made some dirty jokes, another about a NYE hook up. Another about something else, another about this or that.

I guess it's a game right? A game that I'm opting out of. But if I wanted to play that game then I'd ask to be dealt in.
One the most beautiful things about being in my position is that ultimately it's a choice I get to make.
I could become like everyone else. But I chose not to. Why? Because I don't want to.

Idk if you've read brave new world?

But I sometimes feel that's where we are at as a society

For all the strides and progress I have made in my own life, with my battles with mental health. Social life. Work. Etc..

I now see that in my own life and journey I've fought my own battles. Had my own struggles. Most of this can't be seen on the outside.

What I put into the world is what I get in return.

So many questions are left unanswered. If I went to gym more and worked our and got successful in modern hook up culture.. well what brand of success is that? Not one I care for I guess.

Who knows. It may change.

But maybe the most important thing is that I've never been forced or compelled to make any choices about who I am and how I put myself into the world

[MDT]

Sorry @StuF
Was a bit personal there

[Shaz51]

love the poem @StuF 

[StuF]

@MDT @Shaz51 

That is a fabulous attitude to have! That be wisdom there (in my opinion anyway)

[StuF]

Thanks @Shaz51 !