Writing As A Form Of Therapy

[bipolarbunny]

When I'm manic or mixed one of the strangest sensations I have is that the sun is so bright, that it's actually feels too loud. It's a little comical to think of it in that way. But if I'm outside and I'm trying to concentrate on something my mind just always winds back to the thought, oh will someone please turn down the sun it is far too loud! So that's how this poem came about. Essentially it describes a manic episode for me. 

The Sun Is Too Loud

Come hither, come hither, and see all the fun,

For here stands before you, the perilous one,

I know not a fortune, nor things to be proud,

A sideshow of nothing, the sun is too loud.

With reckless abandon I shadow the world,

My knuckles lay carelessly weeping and knurled,

My words are rejected and shunned by the crowd,

The silence is fleeting, the sun is too loud.

Emotions are spiralling out of control, 

I’m dragged down the throat of an ominous hole,

Too dark to see danger, I’m gripped by a shroud,

Abandoned and choking, the sun is too loud.

There’s fire ants burrowing under my skin,

Alighting sensations of which I’m akin,

Misfortune unleashed through a billowing cloud,

The fear is electric, the sun is too loud. 

Distinct persecution and paranoid themes,

Are frequent reminders of harrowing dreams,

Rumoured departure from life disavowed,

To fight for surrender, the sun is too loud.

Senses dramatically heightened and blurred,

It’s hard to find meaning in thought or in word,

Committee’s intent on becoming endowed,

A mind losing traction, the sun is too loud.

Chaotic endeavours seducing my heart,

Endearing insanity breaking apart,

Ambiguous feelings, tumultuous curse,

The sun is too loud and I’m all out of verse.

© BB - 10 Oct 2020

[Mazarita]

Fantastic poem, @bipolarbunny! I felt your experience. What a great way with words and rhythm in your writing.

I couldn't live without sunnies. Earlier I wrote on another thread about how rain is soothing to me in its softness. I also find at dawn and dusk big changes in my health when I've been physically sick all day or night. Weather and natural phenomena affect us so much, I feel.

[bipolarbunny]

@Mazarita Thank you my friend. I hear you on the sunnies I cannot cope without mine. I love the rain also. I especially love running in it. I love storms and stormy skies too especially down the coast. I agree about weather etc. affecting us. Sometimes I feel like my moods flow with nature's. If that's at all possible. I did a lot of photography a few years back, there's nothing more amazing than standing on a rock ledge during a stormy sunset. I really miss it. 

My happy place 🙂 BB 🐰❤️ xx

[Mazarita]

Love your creativity, word and image, @bipolarbunny. 

[HenryX]

@bipolarbunny 

Hi BB

I was just looking at one of your earlier comments on the "writing as a form of therapy" thread, from

Invalid date 06:05 PM. It was interesting reading about your earlier writing and resumption following a period "in recess". I can say that I've enjoyed reading the poems that you have written and posted on the forum site. Thank you. Your enjoyment derived from the writing of the edgy and the good comes through. It is also pleasing to know that you consider the writing experience as being cathartic, allowing you "to bare your soul in a safe way." I hope that you will be able to continue writing poetry for your own benefit, and yours and our enjoyment.

Best Wishes

HenryX

[bipolarbunny]

@HenryX Thanks so much my friend,

Sorry it took me so long to reply. I'm really honoured that you enjoy my poetry. You can thank my therapist for getting me back into writing after all these years. It really has become a source of wellness and enlightenment. I seem to be able to find the words through prose to describe my experiences and emotions better than I ever could through spoken word. I don't tend to open up in person very well as I am extremely introverted, but prose has allowed me to find my voice I think. I told my therapist he created a monster cause now he can't shut me up! Lol!

Hope you are well my friend, sending you hugs & love xxx

BB 🐰❤️

[bipolarbunny]

Thunder and Lightning

Thunder and lightning,

Fire and ice,

It’s nights like these,

Where I relish my slice,

Of agony, ecstasy,

Heaven and hell,

The air is electric,

I’m caught in its spell.

Thunder and lightning,

Chaos and calm,

Before I hit bottom,

I open my palm,

Of triumph and tragedy,

Safety and fear,

These cards that I play,

To the end, I hold dear.

Thunder and lightning,

Glory and grief,

Before running too hot,

I am granted relief,

From action and apathy,

Struggles and peace,

I’m reminded my feelings,

Are stuck in a crease. 

Thunder and lightning,

Pleasure and pain,

I wonder how much of,

My soul does remain,

Through courage and cowardice,

Challenge and quest,

The edge that I balance,

Is fragile at best.

Thunder and lightning,

Narrow and vast,

Do I jog to the future,

Or sprint from the past,

From insult to injury,

Joy to regret,

This whole way of living,

Is not over yet.

Thunder and lightning,

Darkness and light,

I come for the intrigue,

And stay for the plight,

Am I free to be bound,

Or bound to be free,

Thunder and lightning,

It’s me versus me.

© BB - 12 Nov 2020

[bipolarbunny]

@Shaz51 @greenpea @HenryX @Mazarita @Daisydreamer @Appleblossom @Dimity @TideisTurning @Meowmy 
Sometimes when I'm struggling and can't find the words I'll go back through my poetry. They are almost like messages to the future me, to remember to hold on, that things won't always be so hard. Tonight I found this poem to be just such a message that I really needed to hear so I thought I'd share it for anyone else that might be struggling.

Hugs xx

BB 🐰❤️

Never Give Up

Never give up,

You know it won’t last,

The buzz in your head,

The wounds of the past,

The pain in your heart,

The ache in your soul,

The voices that chant,

You will never be whole.

Never give up,

You know it will heal,

The sadness you breathe,

The rage that you feel,

The hurt in your bones,

The throb in your mind,

The dog bite that shadows,

Your lonely behind.

Never give up,

You know you can bear,

The heartache of stigma,

The silence of stare,

The chaos of madness,

The chasm of fear,

The self sabotage of,

The things you hold dear. 

Never give up,

You know you can win,

The game you’re enduring,

The pickle you’re in,

The war you are waging,

The battle you fight,

For the forces of good,

In the darkness of night.

Never give up,

You know it won’t last,

The buzz breaking silent,

The wounds healing fast,

The pain slowly fading,

The ache growing dim,

Don’t you ever give up,

On the life that you’re in.

© BB - 13 Nov 2020

[Meowmy]

@bipolarbunny thanks for sharing. It gives such hope. It's beautiful to read.

[greenpea]

@bipolarbunny  Thank you BB just what the pea needed to hear. Love peaxxx