I could not read your letter without getting up and walking around the house.
I am alright now. It is just that I have had many similar but different experiences. If you are interested, my story is in my earlier posts. I think it is good that you wrote down those experiences for you and to share here. I started to write to my mother during my 40s and 50s. My letters still held my love for her in the way young children removed from their parents cling to their love after the parent is gone. My mother could not read them even though I was liberal with positives for her. Her guilt stopped her and she returned them unopened. She has passed now and I have gradually needed to come to terms with the fact that she could never really see or know me, but that I do have a right to exist, in spite of her defensiveness and denial. I do not know how your life will unfold. Even in fostercare and group homes, where we are treated like herded animals, we know that we are all unique. Nobody ever really knows what another person goes through.
Please release yourself from guilt about your little friend. At 9 how could you know. Even as an adult trained in the field ... eg ambos ... it is difficult in those circumstances.
Suicide leaves the deepest marks, but find a way to survive in spite of it all.
@NameUnknownDo not worry about triggering me. It was good triggering. When you know that it is truth.
My story is in bits all over the forum, but the basics are:
From 6-10 I was a ward of the state, living in various homes, fosters, grandparents etc and returned to my parents.
Gradually 2 other siblings were returned and my mother gave birth to another child with my father and he died a few months after her birth. So my mum had it really tough being widowed trying to integrate a family who had endured separation and trauma during those separations
I was old enough to remember most of it and so I took it on board very seriously, was raised to be responsible for siblings, and to try and impress the welfare so that they would be returned. I would never have dreamed of being disobedient, but eventually sensed that mother was NOT WELL and not good for me and left home fairly young at 16.
I never regretted leaving home. It was necessary for my survival.
Defensive mothers are very difficult to deal with.
Take care @NameUnknown
Mother's family was dutch ... and part of my interest in dutch culture and character. Writing things out has been very important for me to survive.
Thank you @Former-Member
Good Luck All
Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.