Writing As A Form Of Therapy

[Appleblossom]

I think you hit upon crucial points @Silenus. 

There is relief from emotional or psychological suffering.  Yet some degree of facing it head on .. with awareness and calm is necessary.  

I decided sometime in my 20s regarding the legacies of mental health issues in my family that my best approach was "to look the bull in the eyes" and to fly though the "horns of the dilemna".  I dont regret that and still think was the best option.

Hi @BlueBay so glad you are still doing your thing .. and it has been busy and creative and loving .. I respect you.  Love the coast out your way too.  hugz

[Silenus]

Hi @Appleblossom 🙂

Yes indeed... facing the charging bull of our mental health issues is a tough thing to do, but very necessary...

This is why I often say that pain is worth it, and that pain is an important teacher and motivator... pain is an instrument of change...

Having this viewpoint about pain makes it easier to deal with...

[BlueBay]

Thank you so much @Silenus

I get it, i think??  I can't think calmly at the moment because of my racing mind, thoughts and actions.  I can't think rationally because I am scared of failure, scared of being judged and probably scared of myself too.

So to think calmly my mind needs to be calm; my thoughts need to be calm and rational. I need to think with my rational and wise mind not my emotional mind. @Silenus is that what you mean??

And i need self awareness - i do understand that i have depression, anxiety, BPD and have sufferred childhood sexual abuse. I do get that.  I think the bit that I struggle with is I don't want it; i want it all to go away, i want my life back before all this came out - but the trouble is it won't.  I have a mental illness and I have to learn to live with it and improve my life for the sake of my own wellbeing and my family.

But I know that along the way there is still going to be pain, hurt, tears, SH, anguish, guilt etc etc etc all different sorts of emotions. And maybe I need to go through all this to learn to be a better person; to learn of who i am today and forward and not the little child stuck in the 'victiim' role; the little girl that was abandoned by her parents.

I know there is still so much work for me to do with my psychologist.  I want to get to the end of this dark tunnel, i want to see the light again.  i want to feel free, be free and at peace with myself first and then the abusers.

As for my parents - well that is still too hard, too painful and i am not sure i can go there just yet.  

Thank you for the hugs @Silenus 

Take care xxooo

[Silenus]

@BlueBay wrote:

"So to think calmly my mind needs to be calm; my thoughts need to be calm and rational. I need to think with my rational and wise mind not my emotional mind. @Silenus is that what you mean??"

Yes, indeed, @BlueBay ... that is a big part of it...

But obviously the emotions need to be dealt with too, and rational thoughts come into conflict with emotions if we try and make it into a fight...

We need to be gentle to ourselves... be kind to our inner child... be our own inner child's loving inner adult parent...

Another thing is this... during the storm, there is not always time for calm thought... and yet, that is when it is needed the most...

It takes time to build up this calmness... it needs lots of practice... the insight may set you free in a moment, but hard work is required to make it stick...

It is a labour of love that I gently offer to myself... gladly given, gratefully received...

Hugs hugs and more hugs... sometimes all we can do is to weather the storm... to hold on for dear life... it serves us well to practice calmness when the weather is calm, for we need it most when the storm strikes and the night is darkest...

[BlueBay]

Thankyou my dear friend @Silenus. you have helped me along my journey. hugs to you  xxxooo

I'll let you know how i go in hospital.

[Silenus]

All the best @BlueBay ... stay safe... sending gentle healing vibes your way...

[BlueBay]

Thank you @Appleblossom it means a lot to me to hear from you.  xxoo

ps.  yes the coast where i am is amazing, wouldn't trade it for anywhere else 🙂

[Appleblossom]

I am a big

Half Moon Bay 

gel 

meself

but the poor old Cerberus is sinking!

cheers @BlueBay

[Silenus]

This is the gift-curse of bipolar... to see unblinkingly... to feel unflinchingly... to meet extremes extremely... to be god and his devil in sweaty sheets intertwined...

[Silenus]

Make your inner space a nice place to live...