Writing As A Form Of Therapy

[Mazarita]

I have written a lot here in the past and found it rewarding to express myself, especially in poetry. I do not have anything I want to write just at the moment. But I notice this discussion thread has barely a post in all the months since I was last here. That's a pity for me because I think this has been a great thread for many people over a number of years. I wonder if new members who have arrived fairly recently even know it's here. That's the reason for this post. At least if I write this it will put it in the recent posts list where someone who fancies writing might find it!

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Mazarita  .... 👋💞

[Mazarita]

Hi @Faith-and-Hope. Good to see you. How are things?

[Faith-and-Hope]

Aaaaaah ..... complicated ??! @Mazarita   Hard to make a long story short.  My soon2bx turned out to be something completely other than what anybody thought he was ...... including me .....

Life in chaos at the moment, but starting to see some light in the distance.

Hiw are things with you ?

[Mazarita]

@Faith-and-Hope I saw that you were in the early throes of the breakup last time I was here. Glad to hear he is soon to be your ex as it seemed to me you had years of trying to make a bad relationship work for the sake of family. I wonder what could have been surprising about him. He seemed pretty troubled. Great that you are seeing some light at the end of the breakup tunnel.

I have had an awful year with physical and mental health both. But past couple of weeks I feel I may be slowly starting to come out of it. After dark times, the light seems to shine brighter, even just for simple things like going for a little walk instead of being in bed or a chair all day. I am in the process of being assessed for the NDIS. It would be great if I got it. Ongoing support would be very helpful so I'm not so up and down over the span of things. 2019 was an incredibly productive and amazing year but in retrospect I and my doctors think I was hypomanic. 2020 was a crash year, typical for the long cycles of my bipolar.

[Faith-and-Hope]

The break-up journey of the last more-than-year has shown soon2bx to have been putting together a far bigger deception than just the new (ish ?) secret relationship ..... and the whole lot is the complete opposite of the personality and value system he had appeared to represent before.  What I was sharing here was still hidden from most people, but there is no way to hide what he has done now, and more is progressively coming out.  I had heard of this happening, but it's not something you ever expect to happen to you ...... still a ways to go to get all his tentacles off me.

Sorry to hear it has been a crash year.  I does sound like you achieved some amazing successes in the mix.  My youngest two are still getting out of the chair and the bed ...... but getting there in baby steps.  I hear you ..... and glad to know that brighter days are happening.

🌻

[Mazarita]

@Faith-and-Hope how strange that must be for you and the kids with the revelations about your soon-to-be-ex. It was a long marriage and must be bewildering to feel that he was not at all what you thought. I imagine there would be a fair bit of grief in there as well. I know how strong you are though and believe you will get through all of this into the better days. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Breaking the chains.  @Mazarita 

[Faith-and-Hope]

The sound

of shattering glass

broke the stillness

of the night.

You didn’t mean

for me to escape ....

but the break came

at your own hand.

You withdrew the mask

with a vile sneer

which was supposed to be

a smirk

I think,

but you missed your mark

as you have

with so many things.

[Mazarita]

Hi @Silenus 

How's life?

This is one of only a handful of visits from me to this forum in about 2 years. Here to write a poem. While I am here, giving a little revival of energy into this amazing stream of
collective writing you started years ago. It has been silent for a little while until @Faith-and-Hope 's poem the other night. Spoken from the heart and intelligence in life's struggle in
our myriad ways of it.

Here's the poem, written here on the screen in this next hour.

...

playing and pathos

drinking lime and soda

to save the desert

sick as a dog in

natural decay

happily well enough

my mind is mostly

just taking it

not always

only well enough

when finding some

surrender

or laughter

spirit this mute body

hoped for, despaired of

black vision and white

healing threaded

colours a wild tapestry

with and without answer

little words little

understandings

because human

love is in this living

this almost unbearable,

unwanted and longed for

only experience

we can experience.