~ The Toolshed ~

[Shaz51]

❤️ @Mustang67 

[Dreamy]

@REDLINEZ750 thankyou, it did make me smile 😊.

[Mustang67]

@Cuddlebear I hope you are coping ok while tapering your medication. i know how awful that can be 🤗

I am waiting to see my doctor to get a referral to go back to the psychiatrist for a medication review. I am not sure if I have told you before, but I was on the best antidepressant at the beginning of the year, and I felt the best I had ever felt in 23 years. I was socialising and starting to think about looking for either part time work or volunteering at the animal shelter close by. Then in May everything changed. i was so sad, to the point that I was no longer interested in communicating with any of my coin groups. An even when my coin deliveries arrived, I would let them sit unopened for over a month. And because of this, I questioned my pharmacist about the medication as it no longer seemed to be working. And he informed me that the original medication has been discontinued, so he replaced my medication with the generic brand without telling me. I told him that the generic was no longer working, so he said he will try another brand of generic to see if they are any better. Those ones were better, but I just feel like I am existing not living. I was referred to a psychiatrist about six weeks ago, and it was denied, so now I need to find another one, and then of course there will be a wait to get an appointment etc. The whole process sucks and I feel for you,

[tyme]

Hey @Mustang67 , while you wait for an appointment etc, have you looking into SANE recovery club? No pressure to join. Only if you are interested https://www.sane.org/recovery-club

[REDLINEZ750]

i support recovery club being a positive   pressure free   set up @Mustang67  just my 2 cents

[Bunniekins]

@Mustang67  @Dreamy   hi Mustang67 and Dreamy i wanted to support both of you but of course the support button wouldnt work.  you are both such brave strong women who have conquered so much for which you both should feel proud.  love to you both. bun xx

[Dreamy]

Awww thankyou my sweet @Bunniekins, you're also such a brave and strong woman and I'm so proud of you. Love you beautiful ❤️. 

[PeppyPatti]

Dearest @Mustang67 

I’ve discovered this  peaceful thing called Age. It’s age that allows you to own what you’ve done wrong

what you did just to survive.

@REDLINEZ750 @Bunniekins @Dreamy @Jynx @Glisten @ENKELI @TABDownMoreThan

There’s a young lady where I live who begs and spends her days hustling money , alcohol or drugs or food.  I get it. I see her, and I see who I was when my life was at its worst. 

@Cuddlebear Therapy types @tyme @Jynx @Ru-bee 

I remember that  feeling: thinking I was going to drown or die unless I had twenty dollars in my pocket.

It's the only point of control or certainty I could  hold onto when the rest of my/ your  life is a mess. Inside you. You feel this mess 

Upon reflection I’m ashamed to say the $20 wasn't really cash—

it was a guarantee that you could make it through the next hour. I’m so ashamed. I’m sorry. 

My chaos was everywhere: all the unfinished mess my family didn’t fill up. 

 If my home felt messy, I cleaned harder.

If I felt my children were missing out, I’d yell louder.

I only had time to hang up on people on the telephone; I had to leave first.

My story had to be the worst. The "shutup, my story is worse" mentality.

I am ashamed to admit. I feel a bit weak around my heart. 

After trauma therapy, I realised that while, in my head my story felt the worst, holding onto that was keeping me stuck. My past is over.

My responsibility now is to simply bury that past and focus on being the person I didn't think I could be. Im not academic I don’t need to compete like that because I was never that. It was my immediate families story but it’s not mine.

I’m allowed just to be maternal 

Sew quilts 

That’s enough. That’s everything 

I 

[Mustang67]

Thanks @tyme for the recommendation and link. I will take a look at it.

[PeppyPatti]

@Mustang67 You write so good. Thanks for letting us know after 6 years. Do you think you’re stronger and wiser than 6 years before ?