The Butterfly Room- ED support

[Ausgirl]

Well, I'm psychic lol..... It was just as I thought- I failed and fell off the wagon with my ED.. Now I feel so freaking weak, am totally disgusted at myself and tempted to curl up into a ball and disappear... 

Recovery is overrated.... 

[Bow]

Sometimes we gotta take it minute by minute @Ausgirl . I seen my psychologist this morning and we talked about me staying well and medically stable so that I can go overseas next month. There is no real other option than taking it minute by minute for me. If I restrict at breakfast then I have lunch to try again and so on. Each new minute is a new opportunity to try again. And we need to learn not to beat ourselves up when we do slip up. 
🎀

[Ausgirl]

@Bow I wish it was that easy... 

[Bow]

Oh me too @Ausgirl  me too! 
It’s never easy! Recovery is not easy. 

how are you doing today? 

I managed to eat breakfast this morning- that’s a good start. I’ve just been to see my psychiatrist and then my DBT group was cancelled. So home on my bike. 

[Ausgirl]

@Bow good to hear from you, thanks for checking in. 💕  We'll done on your progress today, sounds like it has been a much better day for you.

Me? well, ended up in 🏥 at 2:30am, after a SI incident- was "found" and taken via ambulance. Had absolutely lovely paramedics who tried to advocate for me for someone to admit me, but once again, it fell on deaf ears. BP was at admission criteria to psych- they didn't actually do any of the other ED stuff they usually do (weight/BSL etc you know the drill) tf especially after everything I'd eaten yesterday as that would've pushed me over the edge even more, so don't know whether I would've "qualified" or not. 

MH rang community team, they scheduled an appt for tomorrow with the psych reg and a CM (my one had a family emergency on Monday so is away for the rest of the week, hence why yesterday was a write off cos "replacement" triggered me badly when I went to my appt). Told them there was no way I'm going, explained that the person triggered me badly. Left the hospital, walked home (was offered a taxi, but why do that when you can exercise?) so I could start the plan again. Now it's just a waiting game.... 

[Bow]

Hey @Ausgirl read your post before it got pulled down. Glad that you received some help overnight. It’s always difficult not knowing what kind of reception your going to receive once at the hospital. I’m surprised that so many people are turned away from a psych admission…. The times that I’ve needed and wanted an admission I’ve been able to have one and obviously when I’ve not wanted one and have been safe to go home I’ve been able to go home. I even had my psychiatrist today say that if at any point I need a rest that she would organise a planned admission. 

I’m sorry that your replacement CM was so triggering for you. I had a replacement on Monday, it was difficult cause it was a male and I’m just on the other side of a trauma anniversary , so talking with a male was challenging, but he was really nice….. shows me that not all males are bad. Can you contact community mh and explain what happened? Ask to see someone else? I’d imagine if I called and explained they would be more than accomodating for me. 

haha I’ve walked home too. Well most of the way until I could go no further and called a friend. I get why you do it, but it is a long way in the middle of the night! 

hope you are safe now. Please reach out for support 

🎀

[Ausgirl]

@Bow you're lucky you've got a good psych who will advocate for you.

Unfortunately for me, when they see the BPD diagnonsense, they're like- well SI/SH is just part of it and we know that it's something you'll always have. One thing they did last year (second admission) was to create a management plan. In it it stipulates the number of psych admissions I can have per year, length of time etc. I still have one left, guess they think it wasn't needed. 

Been desperately trying to get into the private system, but unfortunately none of the 15 psychiatrists here locally are accepting new patients. 🤦‍♀️😔 I'm at breaking point. 

Re community mh and your suggestion- I'm just so over everything rn that I'm not gonna bother. 

[tyme]

Hey @Ausgirl ,

Sorry to hear how tough things are for you. In terms of Telehealth being more widely available, would this be an option so you can go beyond the 15 local pdocs?

[Bow]

I do feel very lucky to have an amazing team around me and I acknowledge that not everyone has what I have. I will say though that it took a while for me to get what I now have. There was a lot of knock backs, not taken seriously and ending up in hospital very unwell and just constant discharges from community mh. 

im really sorry that they have given you a certain amount of admissions, that sounds terrible. Feel like mental health isn’t something you can put a number around. It can be so unpredictable. 

like @tyme  said I’m sure there would be some other options available via Telehealth with it becoming more widely available. 

do you access the butterfly foundation? I find them really good, really understanding, but they have a limit of 2 contacts a week. 

i hope that despite the way your feeling you find the strength to keep reaching out. 

[Ausgirl]

@Bow. You're lucky your psych will do that for you. I've been desperately trying to get into the private system, (had private psychs in the past, waay better)  but none of the 15 local psychiatrists are taking on any patients.

I totally get what you mean about males and trauma, I'm the same. 

Don't want to get into any more trouble in here so I'm not gonna post anything else. 

Good luck with everything, please stay strong and remember that you're an amazing person who is so worthy of recovery. 💕🌷