Life after hospital

[BlueBay]

Hi @NikNik@CherryBomb @Decadian@Former-Member@Faith-and-Hope@Silenus and everyone else I have forgotten (i am sorry my memory is not good)

Life after hospital???

I really don't know.  I was in hospital for 3 weeks and I did hibernate for the first 3 days sleeping most of that time.  I had a change of meds which took a while to work out the strength.  Then my BP was doing weird things and they changed those meds as well.  I was totally exhausted and I don't know if I will ever get better.

I did eventually join in socially and do groups but unfortunately the groups triggered a lot of memories of my childhood abuse,, my mum and how she has treated me, so I used to walk out in tears.  I seemed to be crying and sleeping quite a lot.  Self harming was on my mind a lot and i was 'looked after' really well by the staff.  Often they would pop in my room and just chat but at times all i wanted to do was cry and sleep.

My discharge yesterday was emotional, i didn't want to leave my safe place, my peace and quiet.  I tried the night before something terrible and wrote a note to one of the night staff who sat down with me in my room and he told me I don't believe in myself enough that i am strong but i don't see it.

I saw so many people from all walks of life suffering in silence.  I came home on the weekends and couldn't even look at the house as it was untidy or not how i would keep it. so after a bit of cleaning i decided no i wanted to go back to 'my safe home'.  

Today i had to see my GP and was falling asleep, i told him i am not sure if it's the meds and he said i am still exhausted.  

I just feel like crying.   Having horrible nightmares at the hospital was so bad that i was too scared to close my eyes, but i had the best male night staff who sat with me and made me a hot milo and gave me some meds to calm down and go off to sleep.

I am so axious about work tomorrow, but i have no money, no sick leave and no annual leave.  tried centrelink but they are useless as my hubby earns just over the threshold. so on top of finances and my health i feel i am still not the best.

I wasn't gooing to come on here so soon but i needed to talk to someone as i am home alone.  the only good thing that kept me going was knitting.

God i wish i could jusst go away, need to stop these negative thoughts.

Anyway i just wanted to say hi, i am still here and i am sorry if i have forgotten someone's name - i think my exhuastion and meds are affecting my concentration and memory.

I really don't kow how i will cope tomorrow.

i am so scared and anxious.

You were all probably hoping for me to be jumping up and down with glee - if only.

ps.  another thing we are signing papers to sell our home this week; that's one good thing i suppose, just the packing is overwhelming.

[pip]

@BlueBay. I really feel it for you. You sound so alone and in need of comfort and heaps of TLC. Your male nurse sees in you something you're incapable of seeing yourself at the moment because your emotions are all over the place. Do you have to return to full-time employment, can you get some sort of cover note from your Dr requesting light duties/part time till you are in a better place emotionally. I'm concerned if you return to full-time employment immediately, you're going backwards emotionally. Caring for yourself at this time is important. Is your hubby supportive, does he know 'where' you are in recovery. Recovery from emotional trauma takes time (each person recovers in their own time), no two people are the same. Naturally you're scared/anxious, I would be too. As far as packing to move, are you moving yourself, if not ask the movers to pack everything for you. When we moved into where my ex now lives, the movers did everything. I had to pack clothes/linen/crockery etc, the movers shifted everything else. How long till you start moving? I suggest you pack a few things each day, one room a day. Start with stuff you seldom use. See your Dr regularly, you need his advise and knowledge. Can hubby go along to learn whatever he's not sure of. I have a bf who is sooo supportive, where my ex couldn't have cared less. Ex now contacts me, too little, too late.

[BlueBay]

Hi @pip

sorry (memory lapse) I forgot to mention i am cutting back from 4 days 3 days. Starting tomorrow. My hubby is supportive in doing stuff around the house (not to my standard) but he does cook, clean, wash the clothes but emotinally i feel alone, i am not supported emotionally.

As for selling, we have just put it on the market, so not moving for a while until we sell.  hoping to get a long settlement so then we can find another place to move.  i have 3 adult children and they will all help with the move andn packing, but it still feels overwhelming.

You know right now I just want to run away becaue the fear is huge, i have to face this fear and just go to work.

I am going to take one day at a time with regards to work but also scared that if i can't cope they will sack me and we will be worse off financially.  this is why i feel so stuck.

[Decadian]

Hi and welcome back @BlueBay

I have been wondering how things were with you - and I knew it would be hard - and I think you still need to give yourself time

And @pip has written some great stuff too

If you had been in hospital for an operation you would not be rushing back to work straight away - you would be on sickness benefits - have you tried to get that yet - because they are for people who are or were employed but can't work because of illness - and I agree with @pip - you need time to recover

Okay - I just read that your husband is earning over the limit - but he's not ill - you are - Centrelink can be very hard to deal with - please try again - and yes - I know what a pain that can be -

But yes - I am not at all surprised that this has been so hard - and now you are selling your home - time to de-clutter more than just your collections of things - time to de-clutter the heart and the mind - this is a hard task - I hate moving - I have done it so often - I hate packing and I have had people help me -

Moving house is among the high stressors in life

About the way you are feeling - exhausted and wanting to find this safe, quiet place - yes - I do understand this - personally - I would not try and return to work - this would undo so much of what you have done - you need to sort all of this out in the peace and quiet of your own home and your own mind - and not at work where you will be "on show" as it were

I understand only too well what you are saying about your mother - and that seems to be the base of your story - all the pain you have - and many of your other issues - stem from this -

A couple of weeks ago I finished with my psychotherapist - hard - yes - it was - but she is going back to Sydney and my thoughts were that I find my mother's issues in my life have reached a stage of being very old and tired and boring - but I was also aware that it's not all over in one go - or maybe even 20 attempts - it's really hard

And after thinking about it for over 24 hours I rang Life Line - so yes - I can say this

I do understand - and I get it - and I am as much on your side as I have been since I first met you - and I care so deeply I could not do more so if you were physically close - saying living next door

So - if it is the case that you have no self-confidence - that is something to work on - that is not something you have stored away like a nice shirt you have forgotten - it's special though - and maybe the next thing after - or at the same time - as sorting out your mother-issues

I am really glad to hear from you even if things are so rough for you at the moment

Lots of hugs

Decadian

[pip]

@BlueBay. Totally 'get it when you say hubby doesn't do things to your standard. No-one does exactly as someone else does. Also hubby is unable to empathize as he can't feel what you feel- again -no-one can. When he does dishes/laundry etc, take yourself into another part of the house. don't watch him, don't comment. The washing will dry, the dishes will be done. Do you have a close female friend or rellie, someone you were close to as a child? If you do, now is the time to contact and ask her to give you some emotional help. Do you have a sister-in-law you're close to. That may sound strange, but when I was with my ex, I did become good friends with his younger sister. Okay, she was his sister, but female to female, she UNDERSTOOD, she listened. Men don't understand because they're 'wired' differently. Their emotions are more 'black and white'. I would be hesitant in talking to MIL. With MIL's because she's HIS mum, she will defend him. If he does have a sister, she would be more inclined to be sympathetic. Try c'link, see Dr first for any help there ie. paper work referring to your hospital stay. When you asked for sick leave, did you specify the illness, or did you just say general sick? If you specified stress/depression etc, you may be required to undergo psychiatric evaluation. If you just said general sickness, your boss cannot ask for evaluation. Check up on your rights workwise.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @BlueBay

I am glad you're back with us here ....

You may not feel as if you have moved forward, but it will take a bit of time for your emotions to settle back down after the work you did with them in hospital ....

Something you will need to do is work out how to bring a little window of joy back into every day.  That joy might be your beach walk with Jersey, or it might be a family dinner with the kids over, or it might be watching a movie with hubby, or a phone call or coffee out with a girlfriend ... but plan for a moment of joy in each day.

Going back to work might sound a bit hard, but the people there know you are going through a hard time, and I am sure they will be pleased to see you, and hoping that you feel a bit better.  You know that keeping yourself busy helps to keep your mind from turning sad things over and over all day, and you do enjoy your interactions with you customers, so try to think of it from that perspective, rather than fearing you will fail.

And you have been used to having other people around you all day in hospital.  You have felt lonely at home before .... having people around you for at least part of the day has lifted your spirits in the past ....

Fear stops us from progressing in life, and joy promotes healing ... so try, try, try to keep replacing the fear and building the moments of achievement and joy.  There is still a lot of work to do underneath all this, but at the surface level, try to recognise when fear is causing you to freeze up and shut down.  When you recognise that happening, try, try, try to take charge and put the fear to one side.  That may mean picking up the phone and calling someone, or Lifeline, or taking Jersy and stepping out for a walk, or putting on music and scrubbing out the shower .... try to clean fear out of your way ....

And stop to drink a nice hot cup of tea .... it doesn't fix anything, but it does calm the mind and body down for the moment and that is good for us ... like a bit of a reset ....

Thinking of you @BlueBay, and sending you gentle hugs ....

🌷💜 F&H

[Former-Member]

Hey @BlueBay, its so good to see you!!! Been looking for you / missed you 🙂

[Former-Member]

@BlueBay, as other's have said so nicely..I hear your sense of loss, aloneness...oh boy I know. Thoughts, hugs..your way ❤🌹💛

[BlueBay]

Sorry guys I am just so exhausted I am going to bed.   I had to have a sleep this afternoon, couldn't move, keep my eyes open. slept for over an hour. I never go to bed this early but i am so exhausted from not much, i am worried that i may have chronic fatigue.

i will reply tomorow sometime after i come back from work.

In the meantime @NikNik or @CherryBomb - do you know of any other assistance I can obtain eg. food vouchers for shopping or some way of having some paid time off work to get over this exhaustion. I tried centrelink last week to be told my husband earns just a bit too much over the threshold. and she offered nothing else. i walked out of there bawling my eyes, feeling hopeless and helpless is horrible.

sorry need sleep, can't cope anymore

[pip]

@BlueBay. You need to re-visit your Dr and get him to make out a note informing c'link of your recent hospital stay. You also need Dr's certificate about why you were in hospital, your treatment and aftercare, re-cooperation period. Your Dr should.by rights provide proof of your physical/mental state. If you had had an operation, or receiving on-going treatment for cancer, you would need long-term sick-leave. C'link have to be able to cross 't's' and dot 'i's to satisfy the govt. Also provide proof of outgoings- income. You said your hubby earned just over the amount allowed. Are you entitled to sick leave from work? If you have used up all the sick leave, did you have workplace insurance? Perhaps contact a lawyer to see what exactly your rights are. Some lawyers offer 20 minutes free advise. I realize how tiring it is, you're tired from everything you're going through, you certainly don't this rubbish. See if you can get some legal advise.