Just checking in.

[Teej]

Thank you @Zoe7. I’m not sure what to say. I know that you have become entrenched in my brain now too. Everytime I see butterfly art I think of you (today I was having coffee with mum out and there was a really simple but effective piece of butterfly art).  I see how far you’ve come and it is fabulous. I can see the butterfly trying so had to emerge from that cocoon. I have a feeling she’ll be amazing like this one 💜🤗

💜🤗

[Zoe7]

There is nothing that you need to say @Teej - I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you Hon  Funny thing is I see anything purple and I think of you - so it seems like we both have each other in our heads lol

The image fairies are a bit slow tonight so I will come back for the pic.

[Zoe7]

The butterfly is beautiful @Teej 

I know I have come a long way but there is still a long way to go. Feeling a bit stuck today but trying to just sit with that feeling and not read anymore into it. Some days are going to have moments like that and even whole days - and sometimes when you are in the middle of the muddle you can't see too far past that moment. I am learning to recognise those moments more and know that I have to wait until they pass.

I laughed today - a proper laugh not a pretend because that is what is expected type laugh. My face actually hurt - shows how long it has been since I laughed. So there was that one moment today where I actually checked in with myself and gave myself permission to laugh - and it was a good feeling.

It was nice to read that you got out yourself today with your Mum. You are doing things @Teej and as small as they are - they are moments for you too. It is just those days when nothing seems to make sense or feel like it is going our way where we break down - hopefully. like me. you can have more good times inbetween those horrible days.

Love and hugs @Teej 

[CheerBear]

Thank you lots Pepsimax, Shaz, Zoe, Faith-and-Hope, Teej (and Mazarita under the support button). It helped to have a vent and have it be met with the warmth that the forum oozes often.

After I posted yesterday I had an appointment with my doctor where things seemed to go from bad to worse. She spoke to me about some concerns she has about the one of mine who fractured their arm recently. The concerns came from a long consult while they were removing their cast, things my little was saying during it and getting to know our family and family history. It isn't something I brought up or mentioned because it wasn't something I thought of or saw. GP suggested putting in a referral to a children's ED clinic as she thinks that may be something that is going on with them. They'd be on the young side of people who experience it and it triggered about a bazillion (more) worries and questions for me last night.

Sometimes I find it very tricky to work out what's OK and what's not and I was flooded with that after the appointment. All afternoon and well into the evening I was asking myself things like when is being on the little side being too little? How young is too young for this to be a thing? When does picky eating turn into a disorder? When is sometimes difficult behaviour more than a kid who can be strong willed? When do normal reactions and responses to abnormal events turn into something that needs intervention? How serious is this and how are we going to deal with and manage it? How much might my own issues with the same kinds of things be playing into this? And if this is something that's happening, how the heck did I miss it? Last night sucked lots.

When it rains it really does seem to pour, which was how my day felt yesterday. I eventually crashed last night and slept long and well which was a nice surprise. I can see that holidays, anniversaries and the stress of unwell person all colliding have made this a hard couple of weeks, but I know they won't last forever. I've woken up feeling determined to try hard to think about just today and what today has in it rather than all the things that happened in the past and all the things that might happen in the future. I just need to get through today and that will be enough today. We have an extra kid and we're off to the beach (even though it isn't exactly beach weather today - I give them all about 5 minutes before they realise it too 😉). The beach is one good that came from everything and that feels important today.

Thank you to anyone who had listening eyes for that. I really appreciate the space ❤

[outlander]

@CheerBear ❤ ❤ ❤

[Mazarita]

Hugs, lots of them, heading your way, @CheerBear. So glad you are able to get some of what is going on for you, out here on the page rather than all inside. Thinking of you, as always, on my early morning wake breaks. Happy to hear you slept long and well last night. May there be many more nights like that for you. 

Hi @Teej, @Zoe7  

[Zoe7]

Hi @Mazarita Long time no talk hey. Hope life is treating you ok Hon 

[CheerBear]

Thinking of you often in the early mornings also @Mazarita and following along with excitement for you with all you have on at the moment. Nice to see you ❤

[Mazarita]

@Zoe7, yes I am going well at the moment by my own standards, which is something both my psychiatrist and psychologist encourage me to take as the measure of things. So good to read of your forward progress in recovery, especially about the return of laughter. Much more of that good medicine to you. 

[Mazarita]

Snap, @CheerBear, great minds post at the same time. Always lovely to see you, my friend.