To reassure or not to reassure?

[Susana]

I have a practical question to asking any carers out there who is caring for someone with OCD tendencies.
In my orevious post "OCD mother needing constant reassurance" I mentioned that my elderly mother constantly asks for reassurance even when it had been said numerous times

[Susana]

My question is: do you reassure, or in order to reduce the behaviour (compulsion) to ring/ask, not to repeat the reassurances numerous times?

[Appleblossom]

I have not dealt with much OCD.

My guess would be that reassure once or twice ... whatever you personally feel comfortable with .. but not endlessly.

Try and agree on "a look" or "gesture" that communicates to your mum ... already been here ... before you get to frustrated feeling.

Its tricky knowing which to do.

[greenpea]

@Susana Hi Susana I have a son with autism and he gets very obsessive about certain things. He goes over the topic again and again. Wanting reasurrance that things will happen (this has been going on for years) I find the path of least resistance to be the best. Even though it might drive me a bit bat crazy if it makes him feel happier then I repeat myself and try and distract him. That kind of works for me. Distraction I find is the key but he has autism not OCD so hopefully someone with more direct experience will be able to help you more.

[Susana]

Thanks @Appleblossom and @greenpea!

Mum has now been admitted intolerant private mental health facility to help her with her anxiety. This has given me a buffer as I can choose not to answer all her calls.

Actually, they are using distraction to helo my mum tolerate her distress when wanting to ruminate by getting her to do colouring in.

@greenpea, my eight year old son also has autism and I find writing out his weekly routine helps him to anticipate what his week will be like. But I don't fill in all tge details of every single bit of the day as school has a pretty structured routine anyway.

With mum, I was thinking maybe I could write it or record it down for her. Though I think she wants to hear it "live"😫

[greenpea]

 @Susana Yes my son wants it live lol. He is 24...

[Appleblossom]

That is a great idea. @Susana Gradually she may get used looking at a chart.

I have holidayed with an older girlfriend who has diabetes and dementia.  Her daughter does a basic plan ... morning, afternoon and evening and all meds.  It keeps it clear and simple. I had to fill it in for the week we were away. You can leave some wriggle room so your mum feels she can be spontaneous.

[Shaz51]

That is a great idea. @Susana 

@elyse, @patientpatient, @Dimsim are also OCD carers

[Susana]

My challenge next is to be able to write/ type it all out in her language!!

[Shaz51]

Hello @Atrayus 

come and meet some wonderful friends @Susana, @greenpea, @Appleblossom