Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Caz101]

I'm so sorry. This must be so difficult and overwhelming for you. I hope you are receiving support yourself as this is so much to deal with. I highly recommend counselling or support groups, as talking with others who have experienced simular will reduce the feelings of isolation. You are a good mum and you are so supportive of your child - give yourself credit for that. 

[Rosirose]

@Relly02  And everyone else. I am new to this. And I am experiencing exactly the same. My daughter has mental illness with self harm, restrictive eating, and she often gets involved in risky behaviour, making wrong decisions without thinking of the consequences. It is the worst thing not trusting your beautiful child. It is scary and heart breaking to see the self-hate when all I can see is a young, innocent broken young girl 

[Whitehawk]

Hi @Rosirose 

Welcome to the SANE forums! It's great to have you here and thanks for telling the community a bit about your concerns for your daughter.   I'm sure the forum members will be able to offer you support, information and connection.

I'm the moderator on duty right now.   Feel free to ask the SANE forum team or the members if you need help with how to use the forum. You might like to check out the Guidelines as they can be pretty useful in understanding how it all works  https://saneforums.org/t5/help/faqpage#community-guidelines. 

Take care.

Whitehawk

[Hilary101]

Hi , yes I can relate. My daughter is 23 and for years has been selfharming and self loathing, bulimia and depression. It is heartbreaking to watch and not know what to do

[Whitehawk]

Hi @Hilary101 

Welcome to the SANE forums! It's great to have you here and thanks for telling the community a bit about your care and concerns for you daughter.   I'm sure the forum members will be able to offer you support, information and connection.

I'm the moderator on duty right now.   Feel free to ask the SANE forum team or the members if you need help with how to use the forum. You might like to check out the Guidelines as they can be pretty useful in understanding how it all works  https://saneforums.org/t5/help/faqpage#community-guidelines. 

Take care.

Whitehawk

[Caz101]

It is so hard. I don't have children myself however I used to mentor a young person who was self harming and who was experiencing mental health issues. The constant fear and losing sleep because you worry if they are okay. I hope you have support around you. 

[myheartache]

Hi,

Sorry to hear you have so much stress and no time to really grieve your parents. It's very tough for all of you. I have been down the same road and can totally relate to the sleepless nights, the worry and the anxiety that this brings you. THe 'always on' looking and searching for any signs of things getting worse and trying to find ways to make it better. I used to go round the house and have to hide all the self harming possibilities if we had a fight or she had a melt down as it was the only way I could relax.

I have experienced similar stress, its hard. I had no support for myself. Are you able to let her stay with a trusted family or friend for a night or two? Is there someone who understands the situation and can give you some respite? If that is not available then the best you can do is to take care of yourself as best you can.This may mean some days off work or letting the housework slide and having a nice bath instead or going out for a coffee with a friend. Small investments of time for yourself that have nothing to do with caring for others is what you need. Talking to friends on the phone or in this forum can be good uplifting when you know we are here for just you and hear you. Some fun if you can manage that is also respite- a funny movie or something?

Self care is the thing you need to get through this as much as anything. The constant worry take a terrible toll on your physical and mental health. Consider it making the best you so you can give the best help t your child. If you are frayed and tired it's far too hard to stay level when things are really hitting the fan.

So sorry that I can't give you any magic solutionv 😞 but my thoughts are with you. xx

[myheartache]

Watching your child struggle is the hardest. Just standing and watching with no thing you can do to help but just be there. One of the most challenging things I have had to do and the most adruous. I sometimes wonder how we can all bear it, but we do, painfully, but we do.

[Dooles]

I am about 2 months into this nightmare. Escalating self harm and then an attempt which ended in an involuntary admission to an acute unit. Upon release continuing with psychologist with whom she has a good relationship and still searching for the right medication with the psychiatrist. I'm out of work...good thing is I'm able to spend time with her. Bad thing as all specialists have huge out of pocket expenses not that it matters against your child's life! School is only as "exposure therapy" and maintaining connections, will deal with academic catch up later.

Have been put in touch with the community team but yet to fully understand what they can offer?

Biggest issue is finding a group for teens to learn and try coping and distress tolerance skills that speak to them. Still at point where the teenage brain has low attention span and natural defiance so hard to get her to want to learn new skills. Also what options are there for residentials private or public support? How can I sell it after the experience/trauma of involuntary admission?

Still feel like I'm flying blind and it scares me.....