TW: Hello, My Name is Newbie

[Jynx]

No sorry needed @JPEG1998 we all engage with forums according to our own needs 😉

How are you feeling now? 

[JPEG1998]

Hey @Jynx ,

So it's been a month since you and I last spoke. I feel like s**t about myself. I don't really know if I like him anymore. He has compared me to a friend of his, who looks completely different from me. In fact, she is the exact opposite from me. And in his own words, he point blank told me that she is 'winning' in life. What exactly is she winning at? Being an attractive, Instagram model? I don't get it. He swipes right to me on tinder first due to 'sexual attraction,' but he obviously finds her more attractive than me. I feel sad. 

[Jynx]

@JPEG1998 oh goodness, I can totally understand that leaving you feeling pretty crappy. Honestly, that is a very unkind thing for him to have said, and to me it really shines a light on his values. Making an unfair comparison, and telling someone that he prefers someone else who is 'winning' at life? A very harsh, unnecessarily cruel thing to say. I imagine that you are still hurting, and I hope you do take the time to nurture your hurt and allow these emotions the space they need. I hope also that you can see that this person may have been a pretty awful match to begin with, and you definitely deserve better. 

[JPEG1998]

Hey @Jynx ,

I am no longer attracted to this person. I have since gone back onto the dating sites, and bang - there he is. Waiting to waste another woman's time. I hate him with a passion now. When he made that comment to me about this girl 'winning in life,' it was almost like as if he was saying to me that I am a fat loser who is nowhere near as perfect and as successful as this girl is. He had openly admitted that he talks about this specific girl with other women. I can't help but think that if he loves this girl so much and finds her so attractive, then why doesn't he marry her?

[Jynx]

@JPEG1998 aye, people with unexamined insecurities often end up projecting those insecurities onto everyone around them. Honestly, by making that comment to be cruel, he has shown that he feels like HE is the loser, and needs to make other people into the loser to try to prop himself up. 

I'm glad to hear you're jumping back onto dating sites! Sounds like this has been a bit of a stick in the spokes though, you having moved into a place of feeling over him then having all his BS pop up in your life again. Very frustrating. 

[JPEG1998]

Hey @Jynx ,

Aye - this person even told me (and I had to read in between the lines here) that I was essentially too good for him, contrary to all of the crap that he said to me before I cut ties with him.

And honestly, no-one has really stood out to me yet.

[Jynx]

@JPEG1998 ahh, love the inconsistency of the message there too, reeeeeaaaally good for our funky lil attachment systems 😒

I know that your logic-brain is probably well aware of what a poop-head he was, but it's okay if other parts of you are still feeling wounded and still maybe believe some of it too. I send hugs to all of them! 🫂🫂

Ach, yeah dating sites can be a minefield hey!! I hope you find some tasty wheat amongst the chaff 😉