Seeing new psych tomorrow

[Jaz3]

Is on online study I think you can do it Anonymously

[PeppiPatty]

@BlueBay how are you? My name is Peppi Patty and I'm so so sorry what you are going through. Please hold onto your beautiful empathy you have for you and ..how it extends to your family. 

I was thinking of how you can get your own Health Care plan together. Here, in Western Australia, I think that people who work in Mental HEalth here...were fighting for this....a mental health care plan. Because of the triggering and retriggering. This was about 2 years ago, I havent been volunteering for two years, I have had to care for my own times of Mental ill health and have had to slow down a LOT. 

I'm thinking.just an idea.......though I like what @Baboo writes;

Documenting and carrying a file around

@Confused1......writing it on her iphone sounds good too. Which helps you either do or gives you ideas?

How about.....carring stuff on a UBC stick?? IS that what it is called? Can you take all of your stuff somewhere ...like, in WEstern Australia, you could take it to Office Works and they could help you scan everything and put it in one of those USB sticks you can carry around. 

I thinkn a quick paper on how your feeling could be included?

Just an idea??

I saw  @Drac0 is getting a mention for her great empathy and was reading up on her messages......she really is Great is'nt she?

[BlueBay]

Just saw new psych again. What a waste of time. It's all my fault. I have stuffed up yet again. I am so hopeless. I hate my BPD and my behaviour.

[peace]

@BlueBay stress less if you can. These psychiatrists are so well trained. They know what they're doing. They need to see us in our most worst to beable to help. Trust the process if you can

[BlueBay]

There's no point anymore. They are all the same. I hate them and me. It hurts to hear the truth. I hate him.

[Former-Member]

Hi @BlueBay sorry you're struggling right now. it's common to feel vulnerable after finishing a session... Is there something nice/relaxing/gentle that you can do for yourself this afternoon, to reward yourself for getting through it? Take care of yourself, Mosaic.

[BlueBay]

Hi @Former-Member and @peace

I have just got home and I am just ok.  I had an appt to have accupuncture done after seeing my psych.  And because I was early I decided to go for a walk.  I tried to ring Lifeline (but they were engaged and had me on hold) so I hung up.  I tried to ring ASCA for help (and again on hold) so I hung up.

I needed to talk to someone and couldn't think of who else to ring.  By the time I got back to having accupuncture the guy just looked at me and said 'are you okay' (he must have noticed my puffy eyes from cyring) and I said no i am not okay. We talked about my depression, high blood pressure, anemia, my mental health and well being.  He decided to put quite a few needles into me and left me there for 1/2 hour to relax.  That I did - I fell asleep.  It was so relaxing.  

He said my stress is causing my body to heat up and having the needles will hopefully adjust my body to calm down.

I am struggling because I have now realised  that this new psych has really pushed my buttons and was very straight down the line.

He kept talking about BPD (so i am quite sure that's what I have) although I was so pissed off with him that i forgot to ask him.  He said I am scared of making decisions and good choices.  He also said that I am scared of getting better. He wants me to go back to see my old psych (which he was okay) as he knows me quite well and it's okay that I saw this new one.

I am so confused, ashamed, embarrassed of what I tried to do - you see in my head I was planning to see this new psych in the hope that he would put me into hospital to have a break, so then i could tell my husband and kids that it was the psych's decision.  i had hoped that this new psych would have been nurturing and caring (just like my dad) but he wasn't - he was straight down the line, said what he had to say. and he knew that i was not liking what he was saying.  he knew i didn't him one bit.

So I thought I could pull a swifty with this psych but I have lost.  And I will never get over it.

Now he has referred me back to my old psych which i don't mind at all.  I have an appt to see him tomorrow.  I don't know what i am going to say to him - i will be just crying.

I hate BPD and the behaviour i am doing and the person i have become.

[Drac0]

Hey @BlueBay, I'm not going to say much right now, maybe later tonight. My own head's not in the right place for saying too much sensible stuff right now. But I do want to say one thing, sensible or not.

Maybe hate BPD and what it does to you but please, never, ever hate yourself because of it. It is an illness, it is not what you are. Don't feel that you are the label. The label is just a diagnosis & pathway to treatment. It is not who you truly are.

Remember that behind it all is the real you. We just need to open the right doors to let you out.

Take care, stay safe.

[BlueBay]

Hey @Drac0

who is the real me?  I don't even know who that is.  All I know is that I am very angry and I so hate BPD, I so hate depression. It seems that it is controlling me.

I can't remember what I wrote before - did I say I am seeing my old psych tomorrow. They made an appt for me. So I have just written a letter to him telling him the truth, I am not gong to hide anymore. He needs to know the truth about my thoughts and behaviour so then he can help me correctly.

But by seeing him I am a failure, I have stuffed up big time. And how embarrassing is that. Same clinic where both psychs are. How stupid was that of me to even consider seeing someone else who was at the same clinic. How dumb am I?

I'm sorry @Drac0 I am not thinking straight tonight. I just feel like running away from everything and everyone. But even if i did that i bet i would stuff that up as well. 😞

[Angels333]

Yes, @BlueBay please stay safe. I know how I can go so low very quickly when having to rehash distressing information with a new therapist. Don't hesitate to contact lifeline/ suicide call back service during the transition. I call them all the time! I'm sure I'm one of their regulars!